I’m not a Pamela Anderson fan. Don’t get me wrong – I think she’s pretty and I certainly understand how one gets rubbed off in her honor every 4.2 seconds but this time yesterday, I couldn’t figure how any of that made good roast fodder.
Though I can never get enough of NYC comics shitting on people, after 15 minutes of sex tape jokes, I was sure they’d run out of material. I was right but somehow, they made it work for the most of the show. And when they didn’t, Courtney Love stepped in to remind us that she’s still a crazy crack whore.
Great moments/quotes:
Tommy Lee sang with his “band,” sounded like a throwaway rock group from 1998, and when the camera panned to Pam Anderson, she looked like she was 3 seconds from throwing her moist panties on stage.
Pam Anderson refers to her tits as Poncho and Lefty. That’s simply excellent.
“How is it that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?” – Jeffrey Ross
Courtney Love not realizing that this is a roast — she was constantly offended, kept telling people to f-off, and flashed her junk way too many times. She also insisted that she’s been clean for a year — apparently not: Drugs on the House!.
Bea Arthur was a roaster and actually said “reach around.” At first it was hilarious and then I fell out of my chair while being tormented by mental images of Bea actually doing a reach around… Now it’s your turn.
“I remember the first time i saw Tommy’s penis. I was speechless until my throat healed.” – Pamela Anderson, near the conclusion of the Roast. Matt and I watched the Tommy Lee-Pam Anderson sex video for the first time a couple days ago. Tommy Lee’s equine penis is nothing short of frightening. In a few of the scenes, I was afraid that it would emerge from my laptop screen and hit me in the face.
“Courtney Love is like the girl next door. That is if you live next to a methadone clinic.” – Greg Giraldo
“Tommy Lee, Kid Rock, Brett Michaels. Can’t you fuck anyone with talent. C’mon Pam, you’re fucking your way to the middle. You got plastic tits and a tin ear.” – Jeffrey Ross
“You starring in a show about books and reading is like Tom Cruise starring in a movie about vaginas.” – Greg Giraldo
“It played the cave in Batman Begins.” – Jimmy Kimmel on Pam’s bidness
“Watching you in that sex tape was a whole new experience. Up until then, I’ve never watched anyone get gonorrhea.” – Greg Giraldo
No topic, audience member, or fellow roaster was off-limits (they even got Anna Nicole Smith in the audience with “someone find a 90-year-old dick for her to suck on”), which is how it should be, but within a minute of its beginnings, the Pam Anderson Roast became the trashiest, most viciously crass roast I’ve ever seen and I loved (nearly) every minute of it.
Tune in to one of Comedy Central’s 42,000 airings. If you’re looking for the wood-paneled, gentlemen’s-club ambience of the old Friars Club roasts, stay away – far far away. But if you’re not some overly sensitive tool and you don’t mind a right trashy laugh, it’ll be well worth your time.
I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.
