Aug 22, 2005
Flash
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Scott Spiezio’s Freakish Tattoo

Meet Scott Spiezio… and his girlfriend. Her name is Jenn with a double N (which also seems to be the size of her breasts) and she’s a model from Anaheim. It’s been a rather turbulent year for Spiezio — he went through a divorce, injuries, and, two days ago, was DFA by the Mariners. Apparently, this tattoo was supposed to help him through the tough times by having a little fun.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think I want attack of the 50 foot woman on my bicep. Spiezio wanted his tatt to look like a pin-up found on barracks walls from wars in the past, so he used one of Jenn’s modeling photos.

“I like that tattoo a lot … but have you seen her in person? It doesn’t do her justice. She’s stunning.”

I don’t know what he’s talking about. This girl looks like Kim Basinger when she was all coked out and oversexed in 8 Mile.

When asked what he liked about his woman, Spiezio said: “What first attracted me to her was her looks [I didn't see that coming.] I thought she was going to be stuck up, but she was opposite of what I thought. We have a lot of things in common.”

I’m sure there’s an extensive list of commonalities between them, one likely being the love of the body hair landing strip. What I’d like to know is if Jenn with a double N gets better curves when Spiezio is flexing. If his arm is unflexed, does she get fat(ter)? Do her boobs shrink? Maybe she puts her clothes back on completely like one of those naughty, naked girl pens that you hold upside down.

I know the Mariners released him because he was batting .064 with an OBP of .137 but come on. You wouldn’t waive this doofus on principle? If you’re gonna put a woman on your arm, at least make sure she doesn’t look like she’s breastfed the village from the Feed the Children commercials.

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I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.

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