Mar 1, 2006

Bret Boone & His Frosted Tips Retire

Bret Boone’s juiced up career came to a close today in the dugout at Tradition Field. Tears welled in his eyes… "his lower lip quivering ever so slightly… something inside had told him to go home… With that, the three-time All-Star pointed to his chest, said his inner fire was missing, and announced his retirement."

Ya gotta love the writers at This shit is so dramatic

"Something I’ve loved my whole life has become a major, major job for me," Boone said. "I don’t think it would be fair for me — or fair to the Mets — to continue something I’ve loved my whole life and had so much passion for, and all of a sudden that passion isn’t there anymore."

I really love it when tanked out athletes play that passion card after they get back in competitive training. It’s one thing to end your season or come out of an injury and say, "Ya know, I just don’t have that fire anymore." But when you go to spring training as a non-roster invite, field the ball like Corky, and see the three youngsters preparing to send you to triple-A on a shutter, "lack of passion" becomes code for "fuck! I’m horrible and I don’t have my roid juice!" Though I know it’s too much to ask for an athlete to simply admit that he’s gotten old and it’s time to hang it up, I’d certainly appreciate the honesty.

In any case, I’d just like to thank Boone for calling it quits before I prepared my "I’ll Die Before Drafting Him" list for my fantasy baseball drafts this year. Amending my excel worksheets would have been far too much to bear had he not come forth so quickly.

Boone finishes his career as a lifetime .266 hitter with the Mariners, Cincinnati Reds, Atlanta Braves, San Diego Padres and Twins. A four-time Gold Glove award winner and a two-time Silver Slugger recipient, Boone compiled 1,775 hits, 252 home runs, 1,021 RBI in 1,780 career games and was roided up for about 60% of them. 


  • I hate Boone… why couldn’t have have started with the steroids when he was on the Braves? He fucking sucked.

  • First it was tools of intelligence and now we’ve got “his lower lip quivering ever so slightly.” this confirms that doesn’t hire baseball writers, they hire idiots trying to find their way to the Times so they can get a Pulitzer.

  • hopefully he’s takin his shitbag brother with him. i’m dyin to see Marte in our lineup.

  • You and those excel worksheets. you’re such a fucking tool :)

  • Uh oh another Zantac fantasy season approaches. Are you gonna be less stressed out this year?

  • he’s just now retiring? I coulda sworn this dude called it quits after the Mariners cut him loose and he had that whole sob fest about it.

  • Did anybody ever question boone about roids or were there just rumors because of the way he suddenly got really good? I dont’ remember the guy before he was with the M’s.

  • When your third team in 10 months can only offer you a non-roster invite, that should been the sign that it’s over. I don’t even understand how you still think you’re on a level to compete when you’re on the minor league contract. Has any veteran ever come back from that?

  • Boone got HUGE in his contract year in 2001. Humongous. If you are asking did he get caught though, no, he didn’t. Canseco mentioned him as one of the people he knew juiced, but most people don’t seem to believe him… even though he was right about McGwire and Palmiero

  • everybody named in Canseco’s book could be proven guilty and still 20 million dumb asses would think he was making things up just to sell books.

  • That’s right, fantasy time. You’re about 3 months away from your next fantasy baseball aneurysm aren’t you? :) At least at work you have somewhere to put the rage. I can’t imagine how you’d deal if you had to just sit around with all that anger this summer.

  • Great reading, keep up the great posts.
    Peace, JiggaDigga


I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.


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