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Julian Tavarez "Punches" Like A BitchI know the Julian Tavarez - Joey Gathwright thing has made the rounds everywhere but for some reason, my disconnected ass is only now seeing the pictures (Click here for the blow-by-blow sequence). While looking at them, I noticed something: My father taught me how to punch when I was 5 years old, so I could defend myself against my siblings and other attackers, and the first thing he told me was, "Don't stick your thumb out when you make a fist. When you punch someone, it'll get broken." How is it that I know that and this prole does not? Maybe it's because Julian Tavarez is a psychotic, squelching vagina! What self-respecting man hits like that, thumb out, arm cocked and ready for a limp-wristed, flamey attempt at a strike? With that style, Tavarez would have been better off going the 17-year-old girl route and fighting like a wounded cat. He could've clawed Gathwright in the face, pulled his hair, and grabbed at his shirt... some idiot from the crowd could've yelled "Show us your boobs!" This is absolutely unacceptable. It's no wonder to me that he got beaten up by that wall! If you're gonna get tough with somebody, you'd better come correct and it's clear to me that Tavarez never will. If only those goons in the dugouts wouldn't have ruined things by clearing the benches.. Carl Crawford could have handled this situation appropriately.  Posted at March 30, 2006 8:34 AM Permalink • Filed under: MLB |
Comments (14): Julian Tavarez "Punches" Like A Bitch
Jordan Leonard
March 30, 2006 9:10 AM
hahahahahahaha
Matt Geiger
March 30, 2006 2:00 PM
haha the lip bite is pretty good too
Unholy Moses
March 30, 2006 2:28 PM
it looks to me like he's trying to spank Gathwright, not punch Garthwright.
Not that I'm an expert in ass spanking or anything. Just sayin' ...
Cozmo
March 30, 2006 2:31 PM
Tell you all you need to know about the Sox. They fight like drunken skanks.
First Vaginatek starting a fight with his mask on, and now this.
Unacceptable is right, Flash.
Silver
March 30, 2006 4:15 PM
That's high comedy :) Someone'll beat the shit out of him eventually. Too bad we can't get Izzy Alcantara to come do the job!
Koester
March 31, 2006 12:08 AM
NICE! haha, I didn't notice any of that.
Matt Geiger
March 31, 2006 2:07 AM
Tavarez was a bitch long before he joined the Red Sox. I'm pretty shocked a yankee fan has the balls to make fun of anyone fighting anyone, after Clemens threw a piece of a bat at Piazza.
ariadneK, Ph.D.
March 31, 2006 4:57 AM
Maybe just his arm is a gay entity unto itself? EEEEEWWWWW!!!
Anthony
March 31, 2006 8:41 AM
What do the Red Sox and Varitek have to do with any of this? The Sox are just the team this psycho happens to be playing with this time around. The self-righteous, ignorant Yankee fan strikes again.
Cozmo
March 31, 2006 3:19 PM
Self righteous, Yanks fans be Anthony, but ignorant, come on.
I'm just saying that the Sox have been a team full of pussies for the last 6 years - maybe longer. It's got nothing to do with the laundry either. There is something about the South dugout in Fenway that creates a vortex of manliness. You could probably even trace it back to when they sent Carlton Fisk away. We'll call it the "Curse of the Balls".
Let's look at the evidence:
- Pedro Martinez, beating up an old man? - PUSSY
- Nomar - PUSSY
- Varitek, picking a fight with his mask on? - PUSSIEST OF PUSSIES
- DLowe, Giving the Oakland dugout the ole how's your father? - PUSSY
- Tito, by his general demeanor? - PUSSY
- High-Kickin' Izzy was a legendary Sox product
- Even their principal owners are pussies - i.e. John Henry
- And now this - Tavarez starting a fight by bitch slapping a guy after a clean play at the plate.
I rest my case. It's systemic in Beantown. The future of manliness at Fenway is not looking bright.
Matt Geiger
April 1, 2006 11:49 AM
Roger Clemens throwing a bat? Paul O'Neil every day of his life? Randy Johnson hitting a reporter? Arod trying to slap a glove in the LCS? STEINBRENNER? Don't pretend like your shit don't stink. Yankees are the whiniest team in the majors, and have been for a long time. Whether they are manly is debatable, but the fact that they are crybaby assholes is not.
Almost as bad as their fans. I've met maybe 3 Yankee fans in my life that weren't complete idiots. The vast majority can't have a conversation about baseball without at one point saying "26 world championships."
And God forbid someone mention the Red Sox or every single time they will leap in with "Durrrrrr Red Sox suck!" Oh, is there a rivalry? We had no idea!! It's not like ESPN doesn't cover the two teams exclusively. Thank you, thank you very much for your opinion that the Red Sox are gay. Idiots, fucking idiots.
krakowski
April 1, 2006 11:08 PM
watch out, matt. the next step of the yankee fan is to do one of the following: accuse you of being a sox fan or claim that you're jealous. they'll follow this up by throwing "26" back in your face even though you already brought it up. you also made the mistake of confusing asshole/crybaby behavior with passion and you did so with paul o'neill, the posterboy of it all. crying at every strikeout, kicking over water coolers, throwing your bat.. when you're a yankee that's called passion and competitive spirit.
Fez Mars
April 3, 2006 8:58 AM
I'd say that sums up my feelings on the matter as well, Matt. The problem with Cozmo's attempt at argument is that A-Rod's first base ball slap a couple years ago was so insanely pussy that I don't think there's anything the Red Sox could do (or have done) to top it. A-Rod alone has the Yankees around 8.9 on the pussy index.
Cozmo
April 4, 2006 10:25 AM
A-Rod's first base ball slap a couple years ago was so insanely pussy that I don't think there's anything the Red Sox could do (or have done) to top it.
Let me just state for the record & to my assailants that even as a Yankee fan, I agree wholeheartedly with this statement.
And also, if I were to ever resort to the "26-6" argument, just kill me right then and there. Talking about stuff that happened before we were born and none of us had ever seen is beyond weak.
But let's keep Paulie O. out of this, shall we. I mean, it's not like I said Big Papi is a closeted transvestite. Why'd we have to go and get all personal like that?