There's Your Karma, Ripe As Peaches

Fan For Hire: Exercise in Douchebaggery

So there's some dufus with a website called "Fan for Hire." He starts out with all this talk about what a diehard fan he is:

"Ok, I am a diehard Cardinals fan. I've been to spring training, had season tickets for 2005, was there when Big Mac hit 62 against the Cubs (hey, it was amazing at the time) and even had a ticket to game 4 of the World Series when my birds lost to the BoSox. Now, because of that, I pretty much hate the Cubs. I hate them with a passion. It's the whole rivalry thing it makes me act irrationally. Whenever I see a Cub fan walk by, I feel the urge to yell "Cubs SUCK!!" in fact, most times I do. Steve Bartman is my hero. 1908 is one of my favorite years. Get the picture?"

Yeah, I get the picture - that describes a REAL fan, not this bleeding rotter. According to this guy, every fan has his price. And his is $10,000 per game. For the cost of a Kia, he's willing to transfer his St. Louis Cardinals allegiance to the Chicago Cubs every time these legendary clubs square off. The $10K will I will buy him a "ticket (if needed), jersey, hat, and of course the price of suffering for three plus hours and knowing that I had rooted for the Cubs." Since a round trip ticket for a 1-hour flight to Chicago probably runs for less than $200, this makes the price of "suffering" about $9500. Now, I would think that not only would Cubs fans be insulted but Cards fans would want to boot him out of the club... but nope... not if you ask Captain D-bag! He figures that not only will Cubbie fans actually want a Cards guy on their side to help break the curse (the Cards haven't won a series since 1982 - I bet his luck is really gonna turn the tide) but STL fans will also join in so they can get "a kick out of making a fellow Cards fan root for the so called "Loveable Losers."

Ya know, as much as I wish this guy were a Raiders fan so I'd have reason to pull out my shank and give him right treatment, maybe I should find a way to put up 10 grand. It'd be worth it to have his Chicago-bound plane rerouted to Gary, Indiana in order to dump him off in the center of the ghetto. We could set it up like the movie Running Man and see how far fanboy can make it before somebody kicks out his teeth and trades them for crack.

Posted at March 15, 2006 3:18 AM

Comments (9): Fan For Hire: Exercise in Douchebaggery

Matt Geiger	March 15, 2006 1:08 PM
	Gary Indiana is nothing compared to the rough streets of St. Louis. They produced Nelly!

Patton Maxwell	March 15, 2006 2:15 PM
	hahaha huzzah! The return of boundless rage! :)

Mickey Winans	March 15, 2006 3:43 PM
	On one hand, this guy's a piece of shit. But on the other, props to him for finding a way to trick yet another group of dumb shits out of thousands of dollars.

Andrew	March 16, 2006 12:21 AM
	What I can't believe is the jerk is makin money. Maybe some people are on to his idea and they're paying so he can get jumped once he gets to Chitown!

Matt Geiger

March 16, 2006 3:05 AM

Call me a skeptic, but I don't believe he's actually seen a cent of that money yet. You ever see those ridiculous ebay deals? The virgin mary appearing in a bowl of cereal? It always starts out at 10k... until it dies down and we realize that the person offering the 10k did not have any intentions of paying. I would be it's a similar deal here. I'll be honest though, I didn't read the entire page... :) But I would like to believe that no one is dumb enough to pay a loser fan to root for a loser team. I've been wrong before though...

Unholy Moses	March 16, 2006 9:32 AM
	Only $10K? What a cheap whore. It'd take at least 9 figures for me to root for, say, the Faiders or the Denver Donkeys. And even then I'd have to think about it ...

Cozmo	March 16, 2006 9:39 AM
	No way this guy could survive being chased by Stalkers through Gary. He's no Ben Richards. Ben Richards doesn't do requests.

Silver	March 16, 2006 7:37 PM
	Hahah Ben Richards was the man!! "I'm not into politics. I'm into survival."

FanForHire

April 1, 2006 6:53 PM

I dont know what things are like in the black hole of Oakland but I really don't think I will have to worry about my safety. There are tons of Cards fans at Wrigley and just as many Cubs fans at Busch. If I make 10k and get the crap kicked out of me... well I guess I would have earned the money then. (P.S. I picked a number that I figured was rediculously high. If I get it, well then I guess I'll have to follow through but that wasn't ever really the point)