<< Nice Coverage, ESPN | Main | I Wish Samuel L. Jackson Owned Sports Teams >>
Clinton Portis Explains Differences Between Black & White PornSo I suppose it's time to get things rolling around here again. I trust you all had a happy Spring/Easter/Neverending Passover/fill in blank holiday weekend. My cravings for a sausage mcmuffin notwithstanding, things went well with my family until Sunday came around. My mom invited some family friends over for dinner and tried to call it an interfaith meal when the only difference between that day and when people come over for dinner on other days was the presence of some matzah and cheese blintzes... I guess that made all the difference. In any case, while waiting around for some food, this geezer named Maury approached me and said, "I haven't seen you since you were a fat tike, rippin and runnin. Boy you're not fat anymore! You used to be a bowling ball with fat rolls on your arms." He then grabbed my cheek between his fingers and squeezed and shook until my skin got loose. Then he asked me if I had started "courting." When I said yes, he told me that "well you're gonna have a great time in high school then! I know I did!" For some reason, that put a real dent in my day. But let's move on!
When Portis was playing for Denver, I couldn't stand the guy. He was cocky, obnoxious, and all of the whining about the chip on his shoulder could only be tolerated for so long. But since he's moved to DC, he's become a lot more fun. Though still cocky and obnoxious, he's traded in bitching about being a second-round pick for exposing himself as a hilarious, inarticulate buffoon with great stories. The guys that interview him here - the Sports Junkies of WJFK in DC - are complete douchebags and there were a few moments where I actually felt bad for Portis. It's not that the guys weren't funny... it just seemed like they were openly mocking him at some points because they knew he wasn't intelligent or perceptive enough to figure it out. That said, their behavior doesn't change the fact that Portis' stories and "insights" were priceless... a highlight for me, aside from learning the differences between black and white porn [the big key is conversation & story lines for white porn vs. "whoooo I'm wore out" being the only thing said in black porn], was learning that Ken Dorsey was "breaking down the soccer team." I've heard conflicting stories about Dorsey's days at the U but it was awfully nice to hear that those braindead cunts on the Miami soccer team were lining up to get worked over by a guy that looks like a shaved bird.  Posted at April 18, 2006 9:11 AM Permalink • Filed under: SportsbyBrooks |
Check out my latest update at
Comments (14): Clinton Portis Explains Differences Between Black & White Porn
Brian Baker
April 18, 2006 10:25 AM
I think the Sports Junkies are pretty much assholes as well but their show is still pretty damn funny. That's the best interview I've ever heard them do.
NFLA
April 18, 2006 11:35 AM
I know its fun to mock LenDale White. But remember guys like Mike Mamula. Great combine guys who didn't work out in the NFL. White is going to fall to a good team late in the first round. He'll miss a few bucks tumbling from 10 to the end of the round. He will make that money back in his second contract, when most guys make their huge money. (Kind of how Alexander and James did this year.)
Adam Castro
April 18, 2006 1:51 PM
But that's assuming White can get his life back together. You're making it sound like the guy had an unfortunate combine and things didn't work out. He didn't even try! It's like he hasn't given a damn about his future since the clock ran 00:00 at the Rose Bowl. He's fat, unmotivated, and now he's injured. He's gonna fall to a great team but is he gonna do what it takes to even get to that 2nd contract? He can't even do what it takes to set himself up well the first time around! You've gotta have a serious issue - personality, emotional, work ethic, or something to do this type of self-sabotage.
NFLA
April 18, 2006 2:11 PM
Actually, White is below his playing weight from the Rose Bowl. The only reason he has gained weight in recent weeks is because he tweaked his hamstring while working out. The guy is injured. Is Vince Young unmotivated because he only scored a negative eight on his wonderlic test?
Adam Castro
April 18, 2006 2:15 PM
Recent weeks? He was at the combine and had breasts. Why not just reveal that you're injured. At least then you don't create speculation and have 30 general managers thinking you're a lazy piece of shit. These guys can only take care of things they can control - Lendale can make sure he's in shape and if he's not, he needs to make it clear why he's not when the issue arises. Young can't help being a dumb ass.
Matt Geiger
April 18, 2006 2:26 PM
wait, so which is it, is he lazy or is he stupid for not saying he was injured? You can't punish him for both. He will get drafted, hopefully for him by the Steelers, and he could have a pretty succesful career. Or not. You never know, but I wouldn't write him off for being a stupid 21 year old who all of a sudden is about to be a millionaire. But if you'd ask me who is carrying the ball 20 times a game 8 years from now, White or Bush, and I'll put money on White.
Julius
April 18, 2006 3:29 PM
Using his hamstring as an excuse for his body appearance is a bullshit call. I saw Lendale before the combine injury. He was doughy and wasn't taking care of his body, which is probably how he ended up with the strain. I think he's gonna be a productive back for a number of years but he really needs to get his mind right.
Shawne
April 18, 2006 4:23 PM
Yeah no doubt.. The cat was an absolute workhorse, so it's really hard for me to believe that he's just a lazy dude and he's content with where he's at. He's screwed up in handling himself since the season just as far as character goes. I don't like the attitude he's shown so far. But he'll get back to the right way once he gets out there at training camp. if he doesn't, vet's are gonna be all up in his shit until he does. He'll figure things out one way or another.
PG
April 18, 2006 10:16 PM
What's with hate so strong for the Miami soccer team that you dropped the c word on em? must be serious.
jarrod rankin
April 19, 2006 1:03 AM
"hey there betsy sue!" that interview was the funniest shit i've heard in weeks. and he's dead on about black porn. "whoo i wore out" might even be pushin it on conversation. its more like "yeah bitch" during the money shot all over her face and then immediately walking away. i love it! it gets all business :)
Your Dirty Laundry
April 19, 2006 12:00 PM
"Ken Dorsey was 'breaking down the soccer team.' ... it was awfully nice to hear that those braindead cunts on the Miami soccer team were lining up to get worked over by a guy that looks like a shaved bird."
Soccer players and quarterbacks. Hmmmmmmmm. I'm tryin to think back.. memory's a little hazy.. there was an All American soccer player at MY school who they say moved like a flash of lightning.. I'm pretty sure she got broken down by a quarterback or two in her time.. You wouldn't happen to know her would ya? :) :) :)
Silver
April 19, 2006 2:45 PM
I'm sorry for not being up on Scientology but who the hell is Xenu? Was he a character in Battlefield Earth?
Drew Beahm
April 20, 2006 9:00 AM
Is there a reason why the Miami soccer team are braindead c--ts?
Jake Needler
April 24, 2006 6:34 PM
That picture is pretty damn hot even with that ugly bitch in the orange in it.