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Chris Rix Takes Irony to the Next LevelYou all remember Chris Rix, right? You should. Even though it's been two years since he left Florida State and the stranglehold on mediocrity that he helped establish, it certainly felt like he was a Nole for 8 or 9. After Rix graduated and subsequently went undrafted, I still believed that when college football opened in the fall, I'd see his big blockhead under center. But wouldn't ya know it - the day arrived and there were no stories by Brent Musberger and his gang of incompetents on Rix's life struggles; no comments about him being one of the most polarizing players in the history of college football; no more "Rix Happens" t-shirts in the crowd. It was surreal. He was gone. The guy was obnoxiously mediocre for so long that I never thought a time would exist when he wasn't in my life. I tell you, it was a sobering moment. So, as you can imagine, it was a time of great celebration when I stumbled across this: The Chris Rix Champion Training Academy. Oh yes, it's real!
At Champion, Rix will teach the budding Heisman hopeful in your life how to "Aim for Greatness" with personalized weight and cardio training, as well as a disciplined nutrition and diet program. Though Rix never qualified for braintrust duty, he is (and I imagine, remains) a superior physical specimen. So it's reasonable to assume that he has something to offer in the way of helping young athletes get the most out of their bodies. But rather than stop where his expertise ends, Rix has the audacity to offer tips on, of all things, being a "Championship QB." Take a moment to laugh. I know I did. I have to give Rix props for his creative signature... making the "C" into a football shape complete with laces and dotting his "i" with a cross is top shelf. Nice work, Chris. You can school me anytime! w00t! Rules one through three and five through seven make total sense. Bravo Chris. But let's take a look at rules 4 and 8 - 10.
Then there's Rule 10: SERVE YOU TEAMMATES (sic)... Show you (sic) teammates a selfless/unselfish player who puts them first. Amazingly, the website omits rules 11, 12, and 12a: "Don't sleep through your exams and get suspended for the Sugar Bowl;" "Even when in a hurry, don't use unauthorized tags to park in a handicap spot when regular spaces are available;" "Avoid using the 'outpatients only' spot at your university's geriatric clinic." Chris Rix has about as much right teaching kids about THESE fundamentals as I do going to an elementary school to give a lecture on how to avoid becoming mad with drink. If Rix wants to run a camp, fine. He is/was an exceptionally talented quarterback who clearly didn't become the player he was supposed to be; I'm sure he has a lot of knowledge to impart to the youngins. But when you spend a career disregarding four of your own rules for being a champion quarterback, you forfeit the right to impart said "wisdom" on children who think you're putting them on the fast track to the next level. Rix is a guy who, in his senior year, couldn't hit the ocean if he stood on a beach, but if he can convince idiot parents to fork over their hard-earned dollars under the illusion that he can make their kids winners, more power to him. As the saying goes, "there's a sucker born every minute" and I'm sure Chris Rix will happily take money from more than his fair share.  Posted at May 30, 2006 5:43 PM Permalink • Filed under: NCAA , Shallow Observations |
Comments (11): Chris Rix Takes Irony to the Next Level
Brendan
May 30, 2006 10:34 PM
hahaha, you've gotta be kidding with this.
zoogs25
May 31, 2006 12:34 AM
Testimonial -
I've always wanted to be a Champ. Then I got "The Chris Rix Champion Training Academy" videos and became a freak of nature on the football field. Now have all the ladies, the entourage, the lights, flashing cameras and a super bowl MVP to top things off. THANK YOU Rix!!!!! [Giving two thumbs up and a stupid grin]
INAMAR
May 31, 2006 1:16 AM
well, if Paris Hilton can cut an album .....
Sawyer
May 31, 2006 9:13 AM
He's banking on the hope that all of his students will either be too young or too far removed to remember stretches of games where he couldn't hit the ocean if he stood on a beach let alone a receivers nose!
Matt Geiger
May 31, 2006 9:19 AM
Hahaha what's next, Ron Powlus becoming director of personnel development for a top div 1 school?
sorry for the cheap shot, I actually do like Powlus and think he got a bad rap :)
Unholy Moses
May 31, 2006 11:35 AM
Holy crap ... this is pure comedy gold. I wonder if it will cause a trend ...
The Winning Baseball Academy by David Glass.
Kicking for Greatness Camp hosted by Lin Elliot.
The Good Citizenship Summer Camp, led by Randy Moss.
Player/Coach Teamwork Seminar by Latrell Sprewell.
Lessons on How to Follow Through, a three-day retreat by mentor Larry Brown.
I could go on and on and on ...
Patrick Houlihan
May 31, 2006 3:40 PM
Hahaha, he should get Ryan Leaf to sign on as a mental toughness counselor.
Hadrian
May 31, 2006 7:24 PM
Hahaha you've gotta love the meteorologist/George Hamilton dad giving the testimonial. This is a priceless find.
Cozmo
June 1, 2006 11:02 AM
Hahaha you've gotta love the meteorologist/George Hamilton dad giving the testimonial. This is a priceless find.
Ha - I love that guy, but I think an even more priceless find would be the dentist that gave that guy the world's whitest caps. Those things are blinding - imagine what they are like in person! He and Dirk Nowitzky should chat.
Nathan Arrington
June 1, 2006 3:42 PM
What the hell is mad with drink? It's in your away messages, it's in your posts.. Sounds like some shit Richard Quest would say, haha
Shiloh
June 1, 2006 8:08 PM
"There's work to be done!!!"