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Aston Villa Finds Its Fairy Godfather in LernerSometimes I wonder what will happen when I die. Will a guardian angel with wings and a harp scoop me up and take me to the light? Will I reincarnate as a tapeworm or something else befitting all the shitty karma I've created? Will Death show up a la Family Guy to escort me straight to hell? I'm putting my money on the hell scenario and as such, I try to imagine what Death will look like. All my questions were answered last night when prior to kickoff of Monday Night Football, the camera got up close and personal with Raiders owner Al Davis. I know I've said that he's the undead on previous occasions but he really took things to a new level last night. To make matters worse, it looked like someone carved his teeth out of a bucket of Parkay. Gross. On the plus side, the Raiders managed another victory thanks to decent defense and Seabass' suddenly accurate leg. As usual, however, we were peppered with 4,000 penalties on both sides of the ball and the offense only had one moment of brilliance courtesy of Andrew Walter. Walter, who may be "waiting in the wings" until the End of Days, threw as beautiful a rainbow as you'll ever see in an indoor stadium. Raise the total of bright spots in the Raiders offense thus far to one. + "It is my belief and the basis for my bid to acquire Aston Villa Football Club that it can compete at the highest level within the Premiership and in Europe... "The club has a rich history and a long tradition of passionate fan support." - Randy Lerner Lerner is buying Villa for £62.6m and with the way he has turned around the Browns in such short order, it begs the question... could the Villans be on their way back to the middle of the table and a record hovering around .500 as well? It's anybody's guess! I kid, I kid. Aston Villa were founding members of not only the Football League in 1888 but also the Premier League in 1992, and are one of the oldest and most successful football clubs in England. The Villans are also one of an elite group of 7 clubs (Arsenal, Aston Villa, Chelsea, Everton, Liverpool, Manchester United and Cuntenham Hotspur) that has played in every Premiership season.... As a Gooner, I couldn't care less about any of that nonsense. I hope they all choke and die. But from the perspective of an English football fan, the success and strength of the Villans is good for the game; the same can be said for Chelski, Liverpool, Manure, Cuntenham, and Everton. When these clubs are down, the EPL landscape just isn't the same and it sure isn't as much fun, unless, of course, you're a senseless tosser. [Yes, I know I just ripped myself off] So good luck to Lerner and congratulations to Villans around the world. I can't wait until you self-loathing fucks are good again. It'll make the taste of victory that much sweeter when the Mighty Arsenal beats the hell out of you!!!  Posted at August 15, 2006 11:52 AM Permalink • Filed under: Football (Soccer) , NFL , Oakland Raiders |
Comments (11): Aston Villa Finds Its Fairy Godfather in Lerner
William
August 15, 2006 2:22 PM
Remember the summer in Cyprus after we turned 16 where we got in that row about Villa KILLING Arsenal that May? You became so enraged that you tried to push me off the boat and when you failed, you kicked what you thought was my Villa duffle off instead. But then you realized it was YOUR things in that bag and you nearly got left behind as you jumped overboard after it. You swam back and we wouldn't lower the ladder until you swore allegiance. You tried to be a stubborn tart but eventually the water's chill got the best of you. I never heard an 'up the villa' so weak. The look on your face was pure humiliation.
You will feel that humiliation again, Countess!!
The Villans are marching back to prominence and when we arrive, we're going to tear you apart. The Gunners are nothing! You are a sad collection of French pansies, a pretty boy Spaniard, and a Swede!
UP THE VILLA!!!
Scott
August 15, 2006 3:58 PM
Nice! Now I don't have to try to look like a tool for jumpin on the EPL bandwagon. Lerner did all the dirty work for me. I've been living and dying with the Browns all my life. It's time to get my heart broken with Aston Villa too!
GO BROWNS!
UP THE VILLA!
Nixon
August 15, 2006 4:36 PM
A group of us were watching MNF last night and when they showed Davis the collective reaction was to cover our eyes. He looked like he was decomposing.
Andrew
August 15, 2006 5:54 PM
this is positively brilliant!! Years and years of mediocrity, disappointment, frustration, depression and now someone has given us hope! An American no less! I haven't had a positive feeling about the future since the 90s and that's mostly because I was too young to realise what a knob slobber Ellis was!
UP THE VILLA!
Tony Young
August 15, 2006 7:22 PM
I'm a Browns guy and went over to villatalk to see what the new team was all about. The AV fans could only name 2 or 3 people that MIGHT be any good... seemed just like pre-Lerner Cleveland.
I already placed an order for a Barros kit.. gonna be my first non-Browns jersey ever.
zoogs
August 15, 2006 7:23 PM
Weep Villa fans, Lehner would be carrying the Browns' curse with him to Villa. Check it - O'Neill signs are quality striker only to for him to tear his ACL while signing the contract at a press conference.
Here's to success in your relegation battle
COME ON UNITED!!!!
Matt Geiger
August 15, 2006 8:53 PM
There is no way this can make things worse; an owner worse than Elli$ is a virtual impossibility. Maybe they can have more than 15 players on the team this year. That would be super. But yes, Up the Villa
Robin Vadar
August 15, 2006 10:19 PM
Thanks to bloody Christ that you wound up with Lerner and not Sven-led AV06.
Shiloh
August 16, 2006 1:50 AM
If AV06 had won the battle, David Beckham would be a Villan by noon.
Toxic
August 16, 2006 8:19 AM
It's a frightening thought what happened the last time Deadly left, nah it couldn't happen again.
"Maybe they can have more than 15 players on the team this year"
It's been a while since they only needed 14 to win the league.
Hadrian
August 16, 2006 3:24 PM
Villa has managed to stay in the EPL all this time with no money and shitty management. There's no way they'll be worse off with a proven guy in O'Neill and Lerner's money.