There's Your Karma, Ripe As Peaches

The Joy of Cesc, Samuel L., & Britney Spears

1. The Mighty Arsenal has one foot in the Champions League group stages after trouncing Dinamo Zagreb 3-0 in the third qualification round first leg last night. Shorn of nine players and baring only five of the 11 who started the Champions League Final 12 weeks ago, we were lacking in numbers, experience, and preparation, so it was no surprise that our lads struggled to find rhythm in the first half.

Nearly an hour passed before Arsenal exploded into life with two goals separated by less than 80 seconds. In the 63rd minute, Alexandr Hleb slid the ball forward to Robin Van Persie who touched it on to Cesc Fabregas on the right; the 19-year-old Spaniard (in his 100th game in an Arsenal shirt) ripped home a cross to put the Gunners up by one. Two minutes later, Hleb's lofted pass sent Van Persie racing clear. The Dutchman held off his marker and steered a left foot shot past Turina's groping left hand and into the far corner of the net. 2-0. Zagreb tried to respond immediately under the impression that it would actually matter but their efforts were in vain. In the 79th minute, Fabregas grabbed his second and Arsenal's third goal with a superb strike that saw him ride two tackles and crash home another cross-shot into the far corner. 3-0.

Other matters of note - Spanish pretty boy Reyes is gone... Get ready for Ribery!

2. Check out this amazing service that sends your friends messages from Samuel L. Jackson; he threatens them and demands that they go see Snakes on a Plane on August 18th (and that they take you with them). I'm slowly but surely sending it out to my entire cell phone contacts list and have been surprised to find many people believing they were chosen in some strange Publisher's Clearinghouse for phone calls by celebs and nearly wet themselves in excitement as a result. "You won't believe who just called me! Wait for it. SAMUEL L!!!" "What was the originating number on that call?" "Well huh... it was your number. Weird." "i wonder why that is..." The only disappointing aspect to this service is that Samuel L. doesn't use the word "motherfucker," the first time he's failed to do so since starring as Mr. Glass in Unbreakable. That, if anything, should make it clear to recipients that the con is on.

3. From IDontLikeYouInThatWay: All you ever need to know about Britney Spears is in this video (from 'Chaotic'). She's an idiot. I really don't know how else to say it. Kevin Federline sounds like he's trying to explain governing dynamics to a parrot. A parrot who's in a coma. A parrot who's in a coma and has been thrown into the street and run over. You could put Christmas lights on your car and drive Britney Spears to Medieval Times and she'd think she went back in time.

I think that about sums it up.

Posted at August 9, 2006 8:00 AM

Comments (12): The Joy of Cesc, Samuel L., & Britney Spears

gerome	August 9, 2006 8:26 AM
	wow.. i didn't realize the bitch was THAT dumb.

Patrick Houlihan	August 9, 2006 9:57 AM
	Mr. Glass owned :) But what I didn't get about him was whether he only orchestrated the three tragedies that David was involved in or if he was in all the craziness happening on his news clippings on his wall.

A.J.	August 9, 2006 10:51 AM
	This Snakes on a Plane shit is taking over my whole morning : ) This is hysterical By the way, Britney Spears is somebody's mother.. that's a crime.

Erik	August 9, 2006 12:55 PM
	This has to be what it feels like to have shit for brains. Through some kind of molecular metamorphosis, my grey matter turned to butt mud after watching that video. This will probably be the last intelligible sentence I ever type. Guh, shooma sam shibba do? Leck! Leck!

Mark Harold	August 9, 2006 2:00 PM
	How bout a game. If Britney Spears didn't have $100 million in the bank and no career, she'd be doing what...? I'll go first .. in line at the welfare office for food stamps

Patton Maxwell	August 9, 2006 2:53 PM
	...barefoot at Wal-Mart in the chip and dip aisle.

Brendan	August 9, 2006 3:34 PM
	Jerry Springer show, no doubt in my mind. She'd be the one fuckin the tranny midget behind the trailer

Nixon	August 9, 2006 6:16 PM
	I hate watching that shit. Everytime i try to preserve the 'oops i did it again' britney in my mind, I see another one of these. Bring back airbrushed Britney! Houlihan, I think Elijah was behind all of the tragedies that were on his wall but the only ones David saw in the vision were the last 3 that took place in Philly.

Mickey Winans	August 9, 2006 8:31 PM
	She'd be married to this guy... http://home.iprimus.com.au/comicmint/cletus-title-card-E1360.JPG

Joey Baker	August 10, 2006 9:43 AM
	I think Winans wins the contest. So what's the deal Warner? I heard Arsenal may not be able to get rid of Cole after all.

INAMAR	August 10, 2006 7:05 PM
	WOW! I just totally lost 3 minutes of my life wastin time looking at that moron's video.... my guess, if she didn't have the $100 mil, she might find a career giving "happy endings" at some massage parlor. So long as she never opened her damn mouth [save for the oral version] :)

Hadrian	August 10, 2006 7:37 PM
	I guess you can take the girl out of the trailer park.... goddamn. Inamar I'm not too sure she'd have a concept of the safe version of the happy ending. Instead of just doing what she's supposed to, she'd say something like "heyyyy aint that thing supposed to go up in my cooter? Bobby Ray and Jimmy Joe say it does!!"

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