There's Your Karma, Ripe As Peaches

Andre Agassi Drinking Game = Coma

So after taking in a bit of the Browns-Bears preseason game last night, we returned to watch what was supposed to be the final match of Andre Agassi's illustrious career.

Agassi and Marcos Baghdatis - a cheerful goofball that was the runner-up at this year's Australian Open and a semifinalist at Wimbledon - quickly settled into a rhythm of hard-hitting baseline exchanges. Though the play was sublime, knowing that we could reasonably leave, engage in random shenanigans, and return 2-3 hours later when the drama was at its peak made for a restless crowd. As such, some were eager to head back out while a few of us wanted to stay.

So in an effort to appease all present, we created a drinking game based on Andre Agassi's situation and John McEnroe's random comments. By the time the second set began, it was immediately obvious that this could be trouble...

One Shot of Beer:

• Anyone mentions any variation on the word "retire"
• John McEnroe mentions Agassi's age (36)
• Take 2 extra shots if McEnroe notes that Agassi is "playing/moving like a (fill in younger age here) year old!"
• John McEnroe mentions Agassi's bad back and/or litany of ailments and treatments
• Take 2 extra shots if this happens in the same context as a discussion about his age
• Camera pans to a pained, worried Steffi Graf
• If she is actually smiling when this happens, pound your beer
• Agassi hits a return of serve for a winner
• A random spectator voices his/her love for Agassi (or other supportive comments)
• Any mention of Agassi's mullet days
• Everyone must shout, "IMAGE IS EVERYTHING!" when this occurs
• Opponent hits a drop shot and Agassi makes an annoyed groan sound on his run to the ball
• Agassi blows a break point

Two Shots of Liquor:

• Agassi loses his serve
• Tiebreaker!
• McEnroe implores either player to challenge the official line call with the "Hawk Eye" system
• An extra shot if player loses challenge because the ball fuzz happened to clip the line in the graphic
• McEnroe crushes on the Hawk Eye system, using it just to show how close the ball was to the line
• An extra shot if McEnroe feigns surprise when he is wrong about the call
  

Pound A Beer

• USA runs Maria Sharapova's "I Feel Pretty" Nike commercial
• This is good for 6-8 beers for a 4 hour match
• McEnroe mancrushes on Agassi's career
• This is subjective but once someone starts drinking, all must
• Any reference to the final US Open runs of Jimmy Connors or Pete Sampras
• The words "fairy tale run" or "storybook ending" - if used in the same context as a Connors or Sampras mention, disregard
• Injury timeout
• Agassi bows and blows kisses to the crowd

If you didn't get a chance to watch the match last night, try to catch a repeat on USA, as the highlights on SportsCenter don't do proper justice. It transitioned from good match to classic over the course of four hours and was capped by a magical fifth set rivaling any that have been played in recent years.

As for the game's success, we were all in a really bad way by match's end but if I'm completely straightened out by the time we fly to Atlanta in a few hours, that should mark the full recovery time at right around 12 hours. But if I can get through the morning without Boss noticing that I'm all jacked up, I consider this a win. I'll recover on the plane.

In any case, there are 5 rounds left to play but how long Agassi lasts is anyone's guess. It's being reported that he'll likely run over his next opponent, Benjamin Becker (no relation to Boris), to set up a Labor Day match against Andy Roddick in the Round of 16... with Jimmy Connors now acting as Roddick's coach, it should be another great one.

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In related news, check out the Wade Blogs for the Top 10 Andre Agassi Commercials 

Posted at September 1, 2006 6:04 AM

Comments (8): Andre Agassi Drinking Game = Coma

Adam Castro	September 1, 2006 8:15 AM
	Haha with those rules, I wouldn't have survived to see the 5th. In the one shot category, about 5 of those happened twice each game.

brady	September 1, 2006 10:08 AM
	i know you didnt go to bed last night but you look like you got a full night's rest. he wont notice unless you breathe on him :) sleep on the flight.

The Pen	September 1, 2006 11:14 AM
	WOW. Yall have created the most brutal drinking game in the history of drinking games. How are you alive and functioning today?

A.J.	September 1, 2006 11:46 AM
	Pen, Flash has no liver and she's still barely functioning. Most of us couldn't make it to the end in large part because of the Sharapova commercial. By the time Agassi was blowing kisses to the crowd, we were laid out on the floor. Some adjustments on the rules have to happen if we're gonna survive his Roddick match.

Silver	September 1, 2006 2:53 PM
	I'm a complete lightweight. I was done by the fourth set and I'm wrecked today.

David Carroll	September 2, 2006 12:04 AM
	I'm doin this for his Roddick match and if I die, it's all on you!

PG	September 4, 2006 6:26 PM
	You are all lunatics in that house! Who was sleeping in your yard on Friday morning? That's not being a good host, Warner!

Flash	September 5, 2006 11:32 PM
	It looked like Monaghan but I wasn't really paying attention. I was trying to walk to campus without passing out along the way.

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