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ESPN Can't Find a Comb for Eric Byrnes?I'm going to preface this brief post by saying that Eric Byrnes seems like a really good guy. I watched him and Barry Zito play some shoddy "how well do you know your teammate" game on ESPN a couple summers ago and he told the host that Zito's most odd physical feature was his "womanly, child-bearing hips." When told of the comment later, Zito blushed and Byrnes giggled like a 15-year-old who knows you're about to sit on a whoopee cushion. It was cute. I was amused. But this, boys and girls, is neither amusing nor cute!
(Picture Courtesy of GC at Can't Stop the Bleeding) Look, I get that Byrnes is probably a free-spirit mountain man type. He probably likes to ride four wheelers around the tundra, eat hearty stews, and thumb through the North Face catalog for the latest in rugged gear. And when you're a guy like this, taming your unkempt locks probably goes against your principles. That's fair. But when your agent says, "Hey Eric, you're gonna go to ESPN and share your opinions during the playoffs as the resident player/analyst," you make yourself presentable. You don't want a haircut? Fine. You don't want any mousse or gel or styling product that'll have you looking like Barry Melrose? Okay. But look like you bathed. Look like there isn't a nest of bees hiding behind your right ear. Look like you didn't just wander off the set of Harry and the Hendersons. I hate to be harsh here, Eric, but we've got to do better. As for ESPN, nice lookin out! For years they've managed to tone down Stuart Scott's dead eye from freakish to unnerving, hide Chris Berman's dorsal fin and Killer Whale markings, and make Tony Reali look more like a human being instead of a plastic man. They clearly care about the appearance of people on their programs. With Byrnes showing up like this, do they mean to tell us that no one on the set was able to pass him a comb, brush, pick, or even a barrette over the commercial break? Now, maybe they tried and it got stuck or broke off at the handle.. I suppose I can accept that. But when I tune in tomorrow, my hope is that they'll have done their due diligence and fixed this issue. Having said that, when has anyone in Bristol done their due diligence? All we (or maybe I since I might be the only person caring about this) can really hope is that Eric Byrnes has a girlfriend who bothered to tune in to watch her man in his analyst debut. I can't imagine she was anything other than horrified and embarrassed and will have this turned around in short order. That is, unless, she's into the Neanderthal thing.  Posted at October 4, 2006 11:59 PM Permalink • Filed under: Down With ESPN! , MLB |
Comments (12): ESPN Can't Find a Comb for Eric Byrnes?
Patton Maxwell
October 5, 2006 1:30 AM
I noticed that as well during the 3 hour rain delay/Jeter manlove portion. He looked like a bag of shit.
Katy
October 5, 2006 7:30 AM
If there's a woman in his life, she'll fix it. you can't let your man walk around looking like that.
Linc Klieman
October 5, 2006 8:41 AM
I don't want them to make him comb his hair. They need to give him a Fred Flintstone outfit and a club and THEN put him up there to do a little analysis. That'd be perfect.
Bailey
October 5, 2006 11:31 AM
nest of bees may have been a LITTLE unfair :)
Cecil
October 5, 2006 11:57 AM
Harry and the Hendersons? Try Nick Nolte's mugshot. It looks like a stunning re-creation of it.
Ryan
October 5, 2006 1:27 PM
Come on Flash, at least they got him wearing a tie that he found a way not to drop ketchup on before airtime. That counts for somethin right?
jake
October 5, 2006 1:27 PM
Brynes was on local Bay Area radio KNBR right before he got to the ESPN set. They have him on as a guest host there a lot and he is actually really good on radio. He will have a career after baseball ... but he was talking about how he didn't wash his hair for the last month of the season, but got a haircut the day before his ESPN gig. That's right, a stylist did that to him.
mac
October 6, 2006 9:21 AM
This also struck me as odd, but I think it's a trend on ESPN.
If anyone else noticed, Tony Kornheiser had some sort of thing going on ont he right side of his head on Monday.
It looked like he had gotten all ready to go, but was an hour early so he took a nap and woke up 2 minutes before going on air.
Maybe bed head is the newest hairstyle? I personally would prefer hat hair.
Eric Byrnes
October 6, 2006 11:48 AM
Let me assure you, I have several women in my life. This is the result of a morning quickie I have with 40% of them to warm up for my TV appearances.
And what's the big deal? Giambi can get away with looking like he banged a cheetah, but I can't look like a mop covered in SARS on national television? This is an outrage, oh BRB....I had to go double up on a couple of strippers. In conclusion, I'm Eric Byrnes.
brady
October 8, 2006 2:27 AM
come on, you know all you ladies love the neanderthal thing :-)
Nixon
October 12, 2006 8:19 AM
I think your sister is proof of that!
Byrnes rocks
October 14, 2006 1:40 AM
You are all ridiculous. That's just Byrnes being Byrnes, he doesn't do anything convetionally. Dude should get some credit for having some individualism and personality, unlike 98% of the boring ass players in the league.