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The GOP: Party of Lincoln, Reagan, and... Mike Tyson
No? Anyone? I suppose that reference was a stretch. But thanks to Mike Tyson, we are seeing the real life equivalent of a pachyderm taking flight: The Baddest Man on the Planet is on the stump for the the Grand Old Party. That's right. Mike Tyson - convicted rapist, possible cannibal, and resident of Bolivian - is on the campaign trail, convincing citizens of Maryland to vote for his ex-brother-in law, Lt. Governor Michael Steele, in the race for the US Senate. While at a Steele function, Kid Dynamite was clad in a white and blue "Steele for U.S. Senate" t-shirt, stating that while he used to think black Republicans were "sellouts," he's done his due diligence in researching the issues and the party.
Is this the bizarro world? Is up, down? Is black, white? Are we actually on Htrae? Well, maybe not. Brace yourselves! I'm about to work out a theory. Put the GOP's moralistic agenda aside for a moment and consider that this is an economic issue. Once one becomes rich, the goal is to maintain said level of wealth while working to increase it over time. And when one rises from poverty to having millions in the bank, spacious homes across the country, and budding entrepreneurial ventures, free-market policies supporting limited regulation, capitalism, and economic liberalism suddenly become matters of import. As such, Normally, I wouldn't imagine this phenomenon operating in reverse but we're talking about Mike Tyson. Could it happen any other way? Iron Mike has gone from being the baddest man on the planet to the posterboy for the human shame spiral. The time for his interest in the conservative ideal to be piqued was in the days after Cus D'Amato died and before Don King, Rory Holloway, and John Horne began stealing his money. But it never happened and he spent 20 years making dreadful personal and financial errors, went bankrupt, and is presently getting nickel and dimed by the federal government. But now, reduced to the role of the dancing bear at the county fair, his eyes have opened to the party that emphasizes the role of personal decision making in fostering economic prosperity... Given his relationship with the candidate, it's easy to be suspicious. But Mike Tyson is a man of convictions and even though he'll probably get mad at the Republicans next week and threaten to eat their hearts and their children, I'm gonna buy it. ... I don't know what idiots would look to Mike Tyson for political advice but kudos to him for helping to rock the vote. That said, I live and work in this country for a large portion of the year, and it's not comforting to know a man running on the Iron Mike Seal of Approval could enter the Senate this January but I suppose Steele can't make things worse than they already are. Maybe he can get Tyson to hang out in the chamber and intimidate votes out of others. "I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all... but I won't be anymore if you don't change your vote to yes, motherfucker!"  Posted at October 18, 2006 5:09 AM Permalink • Filed under: Boxing , Shallow Observations |
You've all seen Dumbo, right? Do you remember when the crows sang "When I See An Elephant Fly" after Timothy, the mouse, concluded that Dumbo must've flown into the tree after a night of drunken excess? 
"We have to open our eyes more."
Comments (7): The GOP: Party of Lincoln, Reagan, and... Mike Tyson
Chance McClain
October 18, 2006 7:44 AM
I love your blog. It's fun, like cartoon themed cereals were when I was a kid. I have not felt pushed to comment until now and only to say that this is a great blog. I love the randomness. Mike Tyson needs to jump in an effing lake.
Flash
October 18, 2006 10:14 AM
Thanks, Chance :) I appreciate that.
I was a Cheerios-only kid. My mom figured that if she wasn't gonna put me on ritalin, giving me cartoon-themed sugar cereal was a bad idea. I dunno... maybe I'm making up for all of that lost childhood randomness now.
Goldie
October 18, 2006 10:40 AM
Yet another reason to not be a republican
Hadrian Drake
October 18, 2006 11:35 AM
lol Okay I'll buy that he's a republican. But I'm setting the bar at 10 days before he gets pissed and eats Denny Hastert's children.
Red
October 18, 2006 7:27 PM
Like the Repubs dont have enough problems. Jesus Christ.
Patton
October 19, 2006 8:55 PM
I'd love to see those fundraisers where Tyson's talkin up the crusty 55-year-old white women that are flinching every time he blinks.
Silver
October 20, 2006 8:28 AM
Don't forget to add "stud" to that list of accomplishments. I read somewhere that he's gonna go work at Heidi Fleiss's new stud farm in Arizona.