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Dick Hammer & the Busty CrusadeSo after the Pacquiao/Morales fight (which gets no space here because I've had orgasms last longer), we had a rather sizeable get-together at the house. Around 2.30 or so, some drunken reprobate who thought he was at his own house turned on our living room tv to search for porn. We don't subscribe to the naughty channels and he was too lifted to figure out PPV, so he settled for HBO Zone's softcore menu. [I'm not a big porn watcher but if I have to see it, give me some action. Softcore porn is like reminiscing on my dry humping days from high school. Two thumbs down.]
The movie was on for a minute or so when one of the characters tried to seduce a guy carrying a spear. I've never seen 70 people collectively silenced that quickly but bad sex on a 60" plasma is more than enough to hold a bunch of hypersexed, 20-something drunkards captive for a few moments. After a pretend makeout scene, the girl saddled up but before anything could really get going, Encino Man grabbed her tits. This was the worst thing he could have done. The move pulled her skin so taught that we could actually see the wrinkles in the bags that held her breast implants. That was the end of tv time. + In seemingly unrelated news, WFMZ 69 is reporting that a bloke named Dick Hammer will be inducted into the Lafayette College Hall of Fame for radio broadcasting. I'm serious. At first I thought he was the holder of the magical sex slave mango in the above-mentioned "film," but it seems this is not the case. Dick Hammer has called more than 1300 games, including the 100th Lafayette-Lehigh game, which is the longest uninterrupted rivalry in collegiate football. "This is Dick Hammer saying good night and good sports!"  Posted at November 19, 2006 4:41 PM Permalink • Filed under: Sex , Shallow Observations |
Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade -- "three women answer the call of the wild when a curator sends them to a treacherous jungle to search for an ancient relic." Turns out the ancient relic is a mystic mango that has the power to turn women into sex slaves, which seemed ironic for a movie that likely featured 27 different lesbian throwdowns and a few sessions against trees and rocks with island natives that spoke like Tarzan. But I digress.
Comments (11): Dick Hammer & the Busty Crusade
Brady
November 19, 2006 5:02 PM
well until the dude fucked up and squeezed em, they were pretty damn nice :)
Brendan
November 19, 2006 6:44 PM
In no way were the implant bags worse than what came on Real Sex later that night. The segment I came in on was a couple fat 50 year old guys and thier girlfriends (one guy had TWO ladies) gettin jerked off and blown. That was brutal.
Sawyer
November 19, 2006 8:50 PM
Putting aside the positives of seeing naked women, the cheeseball exchange between Implants and Tarzan was well worth the 5 minute distraction.
"Do you know where the big zonkas are in the temple?"
"Me have big zonkas!!"
"Then you've gotta show me THOSE!"
*sex*
Tree
November 19, 2006 9:14 PM
What I like about porn is that no matter the setting, The Moon, the 12th century, Senegal, there is ALWAYS a plumber.
Tree
November 19, 2006 9:15 PM
Also, the Reds new pitching coach?
Dick Pole.
Koester
November 19, 2006 11:27 PM
I thought all mangos had that power
Critic
November 20, 2006 12:25 PM
Here comes the Hammer.
jerome
November 20, 2006 8:05 PM
who was the cat that asked you to have his babies because you're a good genetic match to make athletes? that shit was hilarious. where i was standing, nobody knew his name and we didn't get a chance to find out with as quickly as he got escorted out the door.
brady
November 20, 2006 10:21 PM
that shit was NOT funny.
Majnun
November 21, 2006 3:39 PM
But it's hysterical when you try shit like that, right, Brady?
Silver
November 22, 2006 3:56 PM
If I had to guess, yeah, that probably sums up his opinion on the matter