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Jessica Simpson's Alimony to Own Tacoma RainiersWhen Nick Lachey's big face started popping up at every sporting event in the known world, I blamed Jessica Simpson. From NFL halftimes and MLB All-Star games to presenting at the ESPYs, Lachey was there. For a while, he was the Law and Order of the sports world. It mattered not the date, time, or channel, Mr. Jessica was on the air, smiling and offering up his unique brand of Average Joe "analysis." When the frequency of his appearances began to increase, I said, "Ya know, he must be getting his name out there in preparation for the day they divorce. He'll need a job when Nick & Jessica's Family Christmas is off the table." Soon enough, the marriage was in shambles and thanks to his efforts in gaining pre-divorce exposure, Nick is the one coming out on top.
Having secured the love of Vanessa Minnillo, he's now buying into the Tacoma Rainiers, the Triple-A affiliate of the Seattle Mariners. Surprisingly, this isn't the first time Lachey has tried to get involved with a sports franchise. When the Cincinnati Reds came up for sale a couple years ago, he made a bid to join the new ownership but had yet to cash in on his wife's new fame.
Tranlation: he'll be practicing with the team. "That's the biggest perk," he says. Sure, maybe for him but not for guys trying to make it to the bigs. Nothing says preparing for the next level like batting practice with Mr. 98 Degrees. Unless Minnillo will be attending practices with a throng of hot, available friends, something tells me the "active investor" role won't sit well with most players. That said, when Lachey starts pumping What's Left of Me through the clubhouse, the issue could become moot.
 Posted at November 30, 2006 10:11 AM Permalink • Filed under: MLB |
While Jessica has spent the last year looking like a meth case, giving it up to Maroon 5 and Johnny Knoxville, and getting a guy who looks like a character from Where the Wild Things Are to acknowledge her existence, Nick has been moving up and moving out. 
But now Lachey is liquid, so thirty-three percent of the Rainiers organization will be controlled by Jessica Simpson's alimony payments. This shouldn't bother those in Tacoma, however, as Lachey wants to make it clear that he doesn't "want to be one of those meddling owners who is trying to give his influence where it's not wanted." Instead, he plans to expand on the role of sycophantic hanger-on that he famously perfected on the USC sidelines by becoming an "active investor."
Comments (13): Jessica Simpson's Alimony to Own Tacoma Rainiers
AJ
November 30, 2006 12:12 PM
So does this mean 98 Degrees is making the first stop on their comeback tour at opening day?
Tree
November 30, 2006 12:33 PM
I beginning to admire guys like K-Fed And Mr. Jessica Simpson more and more every day. Its about time that the golddigger gene appeared in men.
Think of the genius of it, these guys pumped two broads (who whilst in their prime were as hot as it got) and then when that runs its course have them pay you millions to go away.
Its brilliant. Hats off gentlemen.
Matt
November 30, 2006 1:14 PM
Mock k-fed all you want, but Nick was the money maker/famous one when he got married. Money wise he was marrying down, and Jessica only became famous when their show did well. In fact it can be argued that without Nick marrying Jessica no one today would even know her name.
Patrick
November 30, 2006 2:43 PM
Wait.. how can a pussy like John Mayer be blowing off Jessica Simpson? That doesn't even make sense!
Isaac K.
November 30, 2006 4:15 PM
It can be equally argued that no one would know Lachey's name without Jessica Simpson. 98 Degrees wasn't even popular with the 14 year old crowd and that was their target audience.
Katy
November 30, 2006 6:01 PM
He got famous when he sang a duet with Jessica on her debut album (around the same time they became a couple). Up until that point, 98 Degrees couldn't book gigs at county fairs.
Tree
November 30, 2006 6:07 PM
Maybe its because I have my finger on the 13yr old girl pop music scene, but I recall hearing about Simpson before Lachey.
Either way it went down, it's a thing of beauty the way it worked out for him.
Adam Castro
November 30, 2006 10:29 PM
But K-Fed could've at least made it win-win for the rest of us by not fuckin Britney right back to the trailer park. She looks like one of those barefoot moms in Wal-Mart.
Tree
December 1, 2006 12:28 AM
Britney left the trailer park for LA so it's no surprise she is ending up back there.
She is a tube top and stretchmark away from being Miss Shrevport 1978.
Matt
December 1, 2006 3:46 AM
I don't feel like looking it up, but it's pretty widely accepted that Lachey was much more famous than Jessica when they were married. Either way, neither would be famous today without the other. That's probably the best example of a time when a famous married couple should split their money.
kimmy
December 1, 2006 12:18 PM
So I guess we're just taking your word on that one, right, Matt? Nick Lachey didn't help that girl make any money. The only thing he did was stand around in disbelief while she made an ass of herself. You could have accomplished that much.
Matt
December 1, 2006 9:27 PM
I could have if I had been a pseudo celebrity, but I wasn't and didn't. You need a groom to have a show called Newlyweds. The show wouldn't have happened if he wasn't a D+ celebrity. I don't see how he didn't play a role in her career, when her career is entirely based on the reality show.
Mark Harold
December 2, 2006 2:33 AM
I can't believe there is even an argument about this bullshit. I also can't believe somebody is willing to pay 200 bones for a piece of Jessica Simspons chewed gum