I spent 21 years without a vibrator in my life, somehow managing to be the only one of my girl friends without one. Hell, the virgin in our crew swore by hers… she had this Hello Kitty monstrosity that came in a pink and blue case and took C-cell batteries.
It was a beast that whirred like a hummingbird in a summer’s heat. And in our weekly sessions to praise and/or bash our men for their abilities (or lack thereof), she’d brag on Hello Kitty like it was a candidate for lover of the year.
Her rave reviews notwithstanding, I still didn’t want one. When my man wasn’t around, my left hand was perfectly capable of taking me where I needed to go. But eventually, I got rid of that dumb boy and to celebrate, my girls took me out and presented the gift – a vibrating dildo. It was blue and looked like a gummy penis. And while it appeared good enough to eat, I traded it to the virgin a few hours later for dibs on a boy that she planned to hook up with and drop the virgin bomb on the second he thought he was rounding third and headed for home.
It was win-win.
That said, I fully admit that trading the unit had more to do with my weirdness than a need for a legitimate shag. You see, I have these hang-ups that cause me to avoid certain things out of fear that if I die tomorrow, my parents will discover what I’ve been up to. Downloading porn and owning sex toys have long been at the top of my “what if I die” list. It’s not really about the porn or the toys – I’ll happily watch and use. It’s just that I don’t want to be the dead person everyone’s laughing at after my family and friends discover a sex lair behind a hidden wall in my room.
Imagine the snickers; imagine the jokes! I cannot bear to be that person.
“But you won’t exist, what will you care?” The thought of being ridiculed in death with no way to defend myself is far more horrifying than being shamed in life… I’m a pathetic creature, I know.
Anyway, I made a point to communicate these issues with boyfriends, so I was surprised to receive one on Valentine’s Day. I’m anti-Valetine’s and don’t like receiving gifts and flowers (on that day) but he thought it’d be a fun gift and he was right. But when he refused to take it home with him the next day, I flipped out and packed it in box after box until there was no possibility of it ever being discovered.
I really have no desire to unpack the purple rocket ever again but I just made a discovery that may force me to change my mind.
Girls (and guys, I suppose), I present the OhMiBod Music Powered Vibrator.
The OhMiBod is the first music driven vibrator that transforms your favorite music into mind blowing, body bending, orgasmic bliss. The word is that this takes plug’n'play to the next level and if you have an iPod, you’re only an “acsexsory™” away.
According to the website, the OhMiBod is pretty simple to use. It comes with a 5-foot Freedom Cord, an ear bud splitter, a velvet pouch, an invitation to a music club, and an interchangeable base that allows for traditional (non-music) use. Optional accessories include a garter belt, as well as a slide-on dildo that is pink in color.
The intensity of the vibration is controlled by the volume of the music and the electronic impulses from your iPod are turned into vibrations in the shaft. This results in the user literally feeling what she hears!
As for the types of vibrations, well, that is determined by the style of music you choose… techno, hip-hop, and rap are sure fire winners but I’m thinking the dark horse in this pleasure race might be jazz… I’ll bet that produces some serious tantric action.
“I’ve personally tested and reviewed dozens of sex toys of all shapes and sizes, but until now, none have blended the idea of loving my body and my music into one simultaneous experience – but it’s more than just masturbation, it’s taking the often quiet moments women steal to give ourselves pleasure, and creating an erotic landscape of our own design with each adventure into our music collections.” – OhMiBod testimonial
Yipes. Sign me up! This is a pleasure tool on which I can comfortably take a risk. Who could possibly ridicule me for owning something so amazingly brilliant?