Dec 4, 2006
Flash

OhMiBod Music Powered Vibrator

I spent 21 years without a vibrator in my life, somehow managing to be the only one of my girl friends without one. Hell, the virgin in our crew swore by hers… she had this Hello Kitty monstrosity that came in a pink and blue case and took C-cell batteries.

It was a beast that whirred like a hummingbird in a summer’s heat. And in our weekly sessions to praise and/or bash our men for their abilities (or lack thereof), she’d brag on Hello Kitty like it was a candidate for lover of the year.

Her rave reviews notwithstanding, I still didn’t want one. When my man wasn’t around, my left hand was perfectly capable of taking me where I needed to go. But eventually, I got rid of that dumb boy and to celebrate, my girls took me out and presented the gift – a vibrating dildo. It was blue and looked like a gummy penis. And while it appeared good enough to eat, I traded it to the virgin a few hours later for dibs on a boy that she planned to hook up with and drop the virgin bomb on the second he thought he was rounding third and headed for home.

It was win-win.

That said, I fully admit that trading the unit had more to do with my weirdness than a need for a legitimate shag. You see, I have these hang-ups that cause me to avoid certain things out of fear that if I die tomorrow, my parents will discover what I’ve been up to. Downloading porn and owning sex toys have long been at the top of my “what if I die” list. It’s not really about the porn or the toys – I’ll happily watch and use. It’s just that I don’t want to be the dead person everyone’s laughing at after my family and friends discover a sex lair behind a hidden wall in my room.

Imagine the snickers; imagine the jokes! I cannot bear to be that person.

“But you won’t exist, what will you care?” The thought of being ridiculed in death with no way to defend myself is far more horrifying than being shamed in life… I’m a pathetic creature, I know.

Anyway, I made a point to communicate these issues with boyfriends, so I was surprised to receive one on Valentine’s Day. I’m anti-Valetine’s and don’t like receiving gifts and flowers (on that day) but he thought it’d be a fun gift and he was right. But when he refused to take it home with him the next day, I flipped out and packed it in box after box until there was no possibility of it ever being discovered.

I really have no desire to unpack the purple rocket ever again but I just made a discovery that may force me to change my mind.

Girls (and guys, I suppose), I present the OhMiBod Music Powered Vibrator.

The OhMiBod is the first music driven vibrator that transforms your favorite music into mind blowing, body bending, orgasmic bliss. The word is that this takes plug’n'play to the next level and if you have an iPod, you’re only an “acsexsory™” away.

According to the website, the OhMiBod is pretty simple to use. It comes with a 5-foot Freedom Cord, an ear bud splitter, a velvet pouch, an invitation to a music club, and an interchangeable base that allows for traditional (non-music) use. Optional accessories include a garter belt, as well as a slide-on dildo that is pink in color.

The intensity of the vibration is controlled by the volume of the music and the electronic impulses from your iPod are turned into vibrations in the shaft. This results in the user literally feeling what she hears!

As for the types of vibrations, well, that is determined by the style of music you choose… techno, hip-hop, and rap are sure fire winners but I’m thinking the dark horse in this pleasure race might be jazz… I’ll bet that produces some serious tantric action.

“I’ve personally tested and reviewed dozens of sex toys of all shapes and sizes, but until now, none have blended the idea of loving my body and my music into one simultaneous experience – but it’s more than just masturbation, it’s taking the often quiet moments women steal to give ourselves pleasure, and creating an erotic landscape of our own design with each adventure into our music collections.” – OhMiBod testimonial

Yipes. Sign me up! This is a pleasure tool on which I can comfortably take a risk. Who could possibly ridicule me for owning something so amazingly brilliant?

16 Comments

  • Some of my friends at Ball St. lived next to a frat, I can’t can’t tell you which one, probably Greek Gamma Jeepo anyways one of their memebers got robbed and killed.
    His parents came to gather his things from his room at the house, and uncovered his mountainous stash of porn. Complete with names like “School Sucks and So Do I Vol. 6″ and “Anal Town 12″
    So your fears aren’t unfounded.

  • this just made my whole day.

  • this is going straight to the top of the Christmas list!!
    I still can’t believe you traded that vibrator to her for a piece of ass! She’s still getting use out of that thing and where is he? Down in Miami being Johnny South Beach :-)

  • It’s been a long day when Muncie, Indiana gets a mention.
    Who’d you get rid of that was so bad you needed to celebrate with a dildo party??

  • goddamn Warner :)

  • “It’s just that I don’t want to be the dead person everyone’s laughing at after my family and friends discover a sex lair behind a hidden wall in my room.”
    If anyone ever told me that a woman I know has a sex lair, I’d bet all I have on it being your freaky ass! :P By the way, my girlfriend now wants one of these thanks to you. If she reacts like the chick in the review, I might be out of business.

  • “And in our weekly sessions to praise and/or bash our men for their abilities (or lack thereof), she’d brag on Hello Kitty like it was a candidate for lover of the year.”
    Women say that guys and lockerroom talk are vulgar and nasty but there’s no way that ever compares to the level women get to when they get together to cluck about sex.

  • Sex starved women and bored gay men everywhere are rejoicing at the advent of this thing. We can’t cure the common cold, but we can build machines that will rock your vag or anal canal to the soothing sounds of Slipknot and Kelly Clarkson. Fantasmar!

  • Sex starved women and bored gay men? Do you have to be a self-righteous jackass every time you comment?

  • I don’t think he can help himself, Katy.
    I know this is a ridiculous question but why do the vibrators come in all those crazy colors? Like gummy bear blue?? Why is that so appealing, ladies?

  • Adam, they have all colors. Some are colored to match races/ethnicities but they have just about anything you can think of. Unless you get the ones with colors based on real men’s skin tones, there’s not a sexual reason to pick one color over another. A few of us went to a sex store a couple months ago to pick up stuff for a bachelorette party and we bought a dildo that was blue and gold simply because having college colors was absolutely hilarious to us at the time.

  • What would be cool is to could record a long message with just your voice, put it on your girl’s iPod, and see what it does to her.

  • Katy – Not every time. :) For the record, I work with a gay couple who would probably love this thing…that’s just the sort of thing they claim to be into. And I knew a girl in my younger years who lived for her vibrator, to the point that it made her boyfriends self-conscious/suspicious. I figured the Slipknot and Kelly Clarkson references would make it pretty clear I was kidding around. Apologies for any offense.

  • … I deleted what I first wrote, and instead will just write ‘I don’t think that would work too well, Mark.’

  • I’ll bet Howard Stern could find a way to make it happen Matt. If he can do it with speakers, he can do it with this!

  • And I wanna know if this virgin still is one. It sounds like she was too addicted to Hello Kitty to go out and get an actual human.

Disclaimer

I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.

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