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Johnny Damon Tells Lies, Remains BraindeadThose that have been around here long enough have watched my seething hatred for Johnny Damon dissipate into tempered enthusiasm and random bouts of annoyance. Believe it or not, I used to be a fan of his when he was in Kansas City. That said, my rooting interest had nothing to do with his skills and everything to do with his supposed ethnic background. My cousin Alonso told me that Damon was an Indian and he used our fathers as proof - "Look at their faces," he said. "They're the same! He's probably from the nation and everything!"
Around the time that I headed off for college, I learned that Damon wasn't Indian at all -- he was half Thai and half white. You all know what a huge racist I am, so you won't be surprised to hear that I fell off the bandwagon straight away. I remained indifferent to his existence until he wrote "Lord of the Idiots, an Autobiography." That's when I started hoping he'd choke on a bag of dicks. Ironically, he responded by signing with the New York Yankees. Over the last year, I've come to appreciate his presence on the team and have somehow managed to defend him from time to time. But he has yet to endear himself to me enough that I'll ignore his lies and stupidity. In an interview with MLB.com, Damon professes that he couldn't be happier with his situation; he's fitting in with the team and he's getting healthy. Huzzahs all around. If you're a Yankee fan, that's all you want to hear. But Johnny doesn't stop there -- he keeps laying it on.
What a fucking liar! It's as if he doesn't realize that we're in on the gag and big Johnny Trickster has pulled the wool over our eyes yet again. Newsflash Johnny - we know you're here for the money. In five years, the warranty on your wife's tits is gonna run out and you'll have to foot the bill for a new pair. That's a lot easier to do with a paycheck coming in twice a month from an organization that uses the pages of Moneyball instead of Charmin in the executive bathrooms. Hattip: Babes That Love Baseball Johnny Damon Hatred:  Posted at February 21, 2007 2:55 PM Permalink • Filed under: MLB , New York Yankees |
Like any 13-year-old feeb, I took Alonso at face and immediately convinced myself that Johnny Damon would be the greatest Indian athlete since Jim Thorpe pwned the universe. Of course, this never happened.
Comments (11): Johnny Damon Tells Lies, Remains Braindead
AJ
February 21, 2007 4:52 PM
When Damon said he wouldn't go to the Stanks, I believed him completely. Of everybody on the 2004 team, he was the one I thought we could trust the most. I hope that fucktard rots.
Assman
February 21, 2007 5:13 PM
Good luck, Johnny. If a kid stands and puts weight on their legs before they're 4 months old or so, they're running a risk of hip and spine damage during their development.
Rich
February 21, 2007 7:09 PM
He's half Thai?!! I was thinking mongoloid, actually. When it comes to it, I think the fucker is one of the lost GEICO Caveman. He really does the IQ of a bag of shit...
Tree
February 21, 2007 8:52 PM
At the time he said this he was still on the Red Sox. Anything short of saying he would shit in Steinbrenner's momma's mouth would get him crucified in the Boston press.
He was screwed, if he didn't show 100% loyalty to the Sox he gets it, if he says he would be open to playing for the Yankees he gets it.
In the meantime, I think he is going to be enjoying the roast duck with the mango salsa.
Hedge
February 21, 2007 9:23 PM
there was a shirt that read: "Looks Like Jesus.. Acts like Judas.. Throws like Mary". they were selling it prior to the first sox - yankees game after he moved over.
Alonso
February 21, 2007 10:13 PM
Okay, okay, I'll admit that my logic skills might've been a little flawed back then...
Mick Winans
February 21, 2007 11:25 PM
He's no better than any other jerk pro athlete. I don't have a direct quote but I recall him saying something very similar about the Royals the winter before he lead the AL in runs and steals. A few months later, he was traded to Oakland. If he said the same thing about the Sox when they signed him as an FA, I wouldn't be surprised at all.
Flash
February 22, 2007 8:29 AM
How was he screwed? There is a base level of dishonesty that we tend to grant players. They tell us little white lies to keep us happy and we begrudgingly accept it as long as they don't blatantly cross the line into Nick Saban Land.
There were a million ways for Damon to handle questions about his free agency and the Yankees without catching too much heat. Instead, he went for the worst possible options in saying "there's no way" and "it's not what I need." It's almost as if he couldn't help but lay it on as thick as possible. It's the same with this nonsense.
Anthony
February 22, 2007 9:11 AM
He's full of shit. He tries to make it sound like wanting to be with NYY was just a fanboy thing but the reality is that he was a Royal during every year of the dynasty run. There's not anybody in the baseball that wouldn't have wanted to have a piece of the Yankees action at that period in time, ESPECIALLY if you're ass was stuck in KC.
Toxic
February 23, 2007 9:30 AM
"There were a million ways for Damon to handle questions about his free agency and the Yankees without catching too much heat."
But you've got to figure in most of the small amount of gray matter available is taken up with "breathe in, breathe out".
Vilma
February 23, 2007 9:40 AM
"That's when I started hoping he'd choke on a bag of dicks."
ive read this post 4 times and just now saw that. what's happenin in your brain that you just be thinkin that kinda crazy shit?