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Maybe I Can Manage England
Last week, ginger-haired dandy, Steve McClaren, told the English masses to expect the Three Lions to deliver a performance against Israel full of passion, pride, power, and pace. You know, the usual web of lies. And whaddya know, the lads set an astonishingly new low for shame. We were lacklustre and pathetic from kickoff, drawing with bloody Israel for our fourth scoreless outing in five. Not bad for the country that invented the goddamn game, eh? Yet another shoddy performance puts McLaren's present record at 3-3-2 and officially makes him the worst manager on the face of the planet. What's worse is we will have to toil with his fraudulent "leadership" until faced with the embarrassment of not qualifying for Euro 2008. Why would McClaren take the job if he didn't have a lick of a clue as to what he was doing?? Why not just fess up to the FA and say, "Sorry for getting in the way, mates; I guess I don't know dick. Please replace me with Martin O'Neill or Terry Venables. Spanking Wayne Rooney? Dropping Fluke Lampard? Shifting Steven Gerrard to his rightful position? No... I never considered any of that. Player discipline? Whaaaaa? Would that have been good? Well, all the same, my bad, chaps. I suppose I should have told you that my brains were comprised of shits and biscuits BEFORE I lobbied for the job." Go throw yourself off a bridge, McClaren. You stupid fuck. As an aside, consider for a moment that I am the balding, older man who is approached by Steve McClaren, the trailer park, tornado bait:Mmmmm... that felt good.  Posted at March 26, 2007 2:43 PM Permalink • Filed under: Football (Soccer) |
So I've been out of touch with sports and my own life in general for quite some time and I'm not really sure how I've been getting along. I woke up this morning and felt like I had one of those "three weeks later" subtitles sitting over my bed and all I've really determined thus far is that Robert Parish's dad is in the Final Four, Sangina Malakar is still on American Idol, and my bracket imploded on the first Saturday of the NCAA tournament... I'm in something like 53rd place in my own goddamn league. In any case, I suppose it's time to start fresh.
Comments (8): Maybe I Can Manage England
Nathan
March 26, 2007 4:37 PM
I'm going to be the first to call it!
As soon as England can qualify for a tournament again, you are going down huge to the US with a two score game from Donovan :)
katy
March 26, 2007 6:43 PM
sangina is harsh but completely fitting. i'm pretty sure michael jackson is waiting in the green room to have sex with him.
Tree
March 26, 2007 7:24 PM
Landon Donovan score twice in a game that means something? Surely you jest.
Just think Flash, if you hadn't invited me into your March Madness league this year you'd be a cool 52nd. Them's the breaks I guess.
Flash
March 26, 2007 8:01 PM
Thanks, Tree... that's quite comforting.
Adam Castro
March 26, 2007 11:09 PM
Good to have you back in the world, Flash, and with some proper ultraviolence no less!
Brendan
March 27, 2007 9:23 AM
Welcome back woman. The 2-3 weeks that I actually had to work instead of procrastinate were kinda rough!
Toxic
March 27, 2007 11:28 AM
It takes anothe McClown England performance to get Flash back, clouds silver lining and all that ;¬)
zoogs
April 1, 2007 4:37 PM
As much as i hate what McClown is doing to the The Three Lions, I kind of felt sorry for the geezer when england fans taunted him and the boys relentlessly during their 3-0 win against andorra....but that lasted 2 secs. He recently said he won't quit, well the wanker needs to get fired then. McClown's style of coaching, forget tactics for a sec, isn't helping matters. He's touchy-feely style is meant for primary two school kids and not for millionaires who fear not for their positions. Someone like Fergie or Roy Keane can set fire on their arses and have them playing football again. Shit if he's coaching them in Euro 2008 I'm watching them at a local pub and not in Switzerland/Austria (that way I can use my plane ticket money to drink myself shit-silly)