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PFA Award: Cristina Ronaldo > Snoop Drog
Cesc really had no chance but I kinda thought Drogba might. He had a storming season at the Bridge, saving Chel$ki's arses on numerous occasions. Cristina's brilliance notwithstanding shouldn't Drogba's season-saving efforts count more than what is accomplished by a prancing nancy that plays for the New York Yankees of the EPL? The answer to that 100% serious question is yes. As such, Drogba's failure to take home the Player of the Year award must be unrelated to a supposedly brilliant season by Cristina and more to do with something tragic like this:
No one in their right mind would knowingly vote for a raplete, least of all one who chooses to identify himself with a name that sounds like the bacteria eating away at Al Davis' brain. Oh well. My real issue is this: When will the tragicomedy of professional athletes plying their trades as rappers come to an end? Haven't we all suffered enough? Having enough money to find a decent producer that can pump out some semi-catchy tracks shouldn't give one license to try to be Jay-Z but let's pretend that it does. How does one get the urge to cut a rap album or even a track? I understand how it works when you're trying to rap your way out of poverty.. when your only lyrical fodder is guns, violence, and the tragic circumstances of your life. But when you're a professional athlete sitting on millions upon millions and, quite often, with championships to your name, how does the mood strike? Are you sitting in your Cribs-esque home (or dorm room), watching the three girls you just banged walk past your MVP trophy and think to yourself, "Damn. Being me owns. I oughta rap about it and tell everybody how hard I am." Is that how it works? Or is it just an extension of the theory that all singers want to be actors, all actors want to be Hamlet, and all comedians want to write novels? Whatever it is, it has to stop.
The fair majority of rap requires absolutely no talent. Anyone armed with a 3rd grade vocabulary and a pair of Timberlands can be one of millions paid to repeat asinine phrases like "skeet skeet skeet," "till the sweat drips off my balls," and "slap her with a dick." But rap done properly - the type where the voice is used as a rhythmic instrument instead of thuggish grunting and inane rambling for a club - actually requires talent, intelligence, and skill. So if you're a professional athlete, why subject yourself to the humiliation? Why be the guy music critics compare to a latter day, watered down Will Smith? Part of being a pro is having an ego the size of Wyoming but if you have a modicum of pride, why add yourself to the millions of faux-thug tools whose lyrical skill is based in telling you exactly why they're fly and precisely why you're not (the answer is:"I'm hot 'cause I'm fly; You ain't 'cause you're not"), and if asked not to use a verse that includes some Chronic 2001 cliche, their brains might explode? It makes no sense to me.  Posted at April 23, 2007 1:25 PM Permalink • Filed under: Audio & Video , Football (Soccer) , General Sports , Shallow Observations |
Cristina Ronaldo took home the double last night, winning the PFA Young Player of the Year and the Player of the Year awards. Though wholly lacking in testosterone and class, Cristina is in spectacular form this year but I still hoped the awards would go to Didier Drogba and Cesc Fabregas. 
If you played any of these efforts at a party, your guests would mock you and leave in disgust. 
I'm all for exploring one's talents but at no time in the history of rapletes has any one of these blokes had a sodding lick of it that didn't involve hand-eye coordination. Now, if Tony Parker or Shaquille O'Neal or Clint Dempsey wanted to take up professional juggling or hacky sack, that would make perfect sense but rapping?
Comments (11): PFA Award: Cristina Ronaldo > Snoop Drog
Brady
April 23, 2007 4:07 PM
I'm next woman :-)
Jason C
April 23, 2007 7:19 PM
I can't respect any "craft" that lets K-Fed make an album that people actually buy.
Adam Castro
April 23, 2007 9:11 PM
I can't decide which is worst of all - Kobe's or Clint Dempsey's. Great comedy though!
Toxic
April 24, 2007 7:04 AM
We need to go back to when sports people released real records - Diamond Lights anyone?
Julius
April 24, 2007 8:16 AM
lol this stuff takes me back! Deion Sanders' video should be on the all-time lists!
Nate
April 24, 2007 11:14 AM
All music today is complete garbage. Rap, rock, everything. You can't listen to the radio anymoreu nless you want to hear the same 5 lame ass studio songs on repeat every hour of every day. When was the last time somebody tried to get creative?
Nixon
April 24, 2007 1:47 PM
Tony Parker??? Lemme guess, is it in french with that weird euro music? I bet that's hardcore.
Aaron
April 24, 2007 9:48 PM
For some reason I still know all the lyrics to Shaq's "What's up Doc." Should I be ashamed of that?
Patrick Houlihan
April 25, 2007 8:47 AM
I know I'M still hypnotised by Diamond Lights, Toxic :)
zoogs
April 26, 2007 12:12 PM
LOL, Drogbacite sounds like something I learnt from my primary school Biology classes. Stick to swan diving Drogba!
Seriously though, do you think his lyrical skills will be better than Dempsey's?
P.S. Chel$ki is the new "Yankees of Football" team now ;)
Anderson
April 26, 2007 10:58 PM
i knwo it's not related but you havta throw up a MC Hammer/British Knights video. it deserves to be in a list like this!