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Something to Consider: Caning AthletesThere's an interview with Adam Jones (he doesn't deserve to be Pacman while he's out of the league) on NFL.com where he complains about being made the poster boy of Roger Goodell's new disciplinary policy. As one would expect, he seems to feign a bit of indignation for his year long suspension:
Taking it like a man, for the most part? As far as I'm aware, you either take it like a man or you don't and the former entails doing your time and shutting your bloody mouth about it. So, using Pacman's translation, I suspect "for the most part" means appealing the decision, being shocked when it doesn't work out in your favor, and then calling Al Sharpton to fight the injustice.. while that's going on, you bite another cop, and, if you have time, maybe run over a meter maid with your SUV. Anyway, thinking about Jones, Chris Henry, and the various amounts of criminal thuggery going on around professional sports got me thinking -- isn't there a better alternative to fining and/or suspending athletes? Isn't there a way to really make them hurt? As far as I can tell, fining and suspensions are, in general, fairly useless. Significant suspensions are only handed down in the rarest of substance abuse infractions. Meanwhile, fining is like punishing a child by sending him to his room and taking away Super Smash Bros. Melee when he has 840 other games to choose from and four systems on which to pay them. Unless you have a serious coke and hos habit, I seriously doubt anything under a $75,000 fine is gonna sting too much. The players usually give the fine to charity, so there's no guilt involved. All it really means is somebody in your posse has to wait until the next payday to get their own H2 with tv screens in the headrests, Cristal chilling in the center console, and a vibrating back seat. As such, I propose caning. As far as I'm concerned, this is something our society should be doing anyway. There is no better example than that frat boy smart ass Michael Fey that got his arse set on fire after vandalizing his way through Singapore. If you don't recall this incident, Fey spent his pre-caning time behaving like a spoiled deviant, thumbing his nose at Singapore's rules in some delusional belief that the United States would protect him. He was not protected and got lit up appropriately. After the caning, I have never seen a more contrite, disciplined individual. Best thing for him, really. He did wrong, he got his licks, and he was set straight. You can't tell me that there aren't professional athletes who could use this treatment. Terrell Owens can handle a $50,000 fine but can he deal with the repeated trauma of a second caning? I think not. Sleep through a film session and you get 3 licks... think he'll be sleeping again?  Team offenses = 3 licks Substance abuse = 5 licks Off-field thuggery = 10 licks Making it Rain and inciting triple homicide = 25 licks I know this all sounds a little Middle Ages but we're at the point where something more should be done. A higher step needs to be taken. Maybe a little corporal punishment would reduce this downward spiral into the morass of anarchy. So we're clear, I don't expect professional athletes to behave 100% of the time. They're human (for the most part) but I do expect a little order. I do expect behavior that warrants their million dollar paychecks. How much longer are we going to allow these jerks to contribute to the ever-growing hoard of mindless hooligans while hiding behid the "You can't do anything to me. I ain't even been charged yet!" defense? Something's gotta give here because I don't see things getting any better. Besides, all most of these punks is a good spanking anyway. If some parental figure had taken care of this in their formative years, I doubt it would have come to this. ====== Update: Check out the Wade Blogs for a pretty cool story about Kurt Vonnegut's stint as a writer for Sports Illustrated. In case you weren't aware, Vonnegut - author of Slaughterhouse Five and Cat's Cradle and the greatest American satirist since Mark Twain - died last week. If you still don't know who he is, go to the Wade Blogs anyway... because I asked you so nicely :)
 Posted at April 16, 2007 11:03 AM Permalink • Filed under: NFL , Shallow Observations |
Comments (12): Something to Consider: Caning Athletes
Parker
April 16, 2007 12:01 PM
LOL In a perfect world, Flash...
AJ
April 16, 2007 1:17 PM
I'm all for this if we can cane some of them on general principle.
Sawyer
April 16, 2007 1:56 PM
Where's Beano at to call you a fascist? ;)
Adam Castro
April 16, 2007 4:04 PM
This is a little off the deep end here but I see what you're sayin. No one ever took fining OR suspensions seriously and this is gonna have a serious impact if Jones' and Henry's suspensions hold. If the NFLPA really cared about their players, they wont' be fighting this.
Mark Harold
April 16, 2007 7:37 PM
What the fuck is up with the picture??? That's some extreme joy you take out of caning when your feet are leaving the ground!
Jon
April 17, 2007 8:02 AM
Girl you gone crazy!
Toxic
April 17, 2007 8:31 AM
The cane, are you going soft on us Flash, give 'em the birch
Cullen barker
April 17, 2007 11:35 AM
Can we cane Cashley Cole just for being a cunt??
Julius
April 17, 2007 5:05 PM
I don't agree with this idea AT ALL. You oughta be ashamed of yourself baby girl. I remember your days. You woulda had more whips with that cane than anybody!!
Erik
April 17, 2007 8:03 PM
This has to happen! lol The thought of Terrell Owens getting an honest to goodness ass whippin' is too good to be true. That said, how the hell do you remember Michael Fey's name? Christ, I forgot how to spell it while writing this comment.
Goldie
April 18, 2007 11:41 AM
No kidding Julius. They'd should have her first in line. She deserves 10 or 15 just for that time that dude robbed the varsity shop and her, Carroll, Wats, and Kyle (or was it Omar?) stood around laughing and shit.
Adam Castro
April 18, 2007 7:34 PM
Toxic's right. I always took you for a girl that would go after people with a flaming whip or somethin :) You must be under the weather this week.