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To Dale Sr Fans, It's Like the Old Boy Just Died Twice

Is there anyone in your life that lives below the Mason-Dixon line? What about NASCAR-loving friends that wish they did? If so, you might want to arrange an intervention or place them on suicide watch because my buddy Patrick just dropped a little scoop on me:

Jeff Gordon and Earnhardt Jr = Team AwesomePatrick: I know you aren't a huge race fan, but there is earth shattering news going on right now that's breaking rednecks' hearts everywhere
Me: Which is what?
P: Junior is announcing that he will be driving for Hendrick tomorrow (Jeff Gordon's team)
Me: Which means what?

I didn't get it. Who cares about Jeff Gordon's team? But as I mulled things over, I remembered the first of four rules that I was ever taught about NASCAR:

Rule 1. Jeff Gordon is the devil.
   Rule 1a. ... and a big gay.

And NASCAR fans, especially, Dale Earnhardt, Sr. fans, can't have their golden son playing nice with the likes of a midget-sized, rainbow warrior queen that has only uttered an intelligent statement when he's started it with, "Earnhardt once said..."

Worlds are colliding, boys and girls. It's like a battle between good and evil. Light vs. Dark. Jedi vs. Sith. A tragedy like this could be fixin' to rip a hole in the fabric of the universe - or at very least, generate a 50-square mile black hole around the belly of the beast - Talledega Motor Speedway, Alabama.

For the good of any affected friends and family, be prepared tomorrow afternoon for Little E's pending announcement. Nothing says love like having ambulances and prayer circles in place for the aftermath.

Hat-tip: Curveballs for Jesus 



Posted at June 12, 2007 4:07 PM

Filed under: Racing & Cycling





Comments (14): To Dale Sr Fans, It's Like the Old Boy Just Died Twice


Brendan

June 12, 2007 4:33 PM

I don't get the teammates thing in NASCAR. Do they help each other in races by blocking other cars or causing wrecks or something?


Patrick

June 12, 2007 4:47 PM

NASCAR allows a car owner to have up to four drivers on his team. Rick Hendrick is the owner of Hendrick Motorsports, which currently has Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson (arguably the best two drivers in the sport right now), Kyle Busch, and Casey Mears. From Hendrick's perspective, he would want his drivers to finish 1,2,3,4 because he makes more money that way and there is also an owner's championship. The drivers, on the other hand, and their individual teams just want to win for themselves for the most part. However, the teams do share information on what is doing well on what track as far as setups go, etc. They help build their cars, and they all use the same Hendrick engines and Hendrick technology. They try to develop an overall "team strategy," while maintaining their individual team's goal: winning. There may be some blocking for teammates going on, but it is fairly unusual. Most of that kind of thing is just drafting, where you would get in with your teammate nose to tail because you are faster together than apart because of aerodynamics.

Bottom line is, next year if Gordon and Earnhardt are racing for the win, they are going to race hard, but not hard enough to wreck each other (i.e. slamming into each other) because the big bossman will not be happy. But other than having the same car owner, that is usually where the attachment stops.

One other thing ... Jeff Gordon currently owns half of that Kyle Busch car ... so will he be half owner of Earnhardt's car, too? We will see tomorrow at the press conference.


Patrick

June 12, 2007 4:49 PM

I think I may have misspoke on the last part. Gordon is definitely part owner of Johnson's car, and I thought of Busch's car, too. But that might be incorrect.


patrick houlihan

June 12, 2007 5:45 PM

"Rule 1. Jeff Gordon is the devil.
Rule 1a. ... and a big gay."

Yep, that's all I've ever been told as well. What makes these people hate the guy so much. Doesn't seem like he's any more of an asshole than any of the rest.


Koester

June 12, 2007 8:00 PM

You always hate the guy on top. It's only natural.


Andrew

June 13, 2007 9:24 AM

How in the hell are JR fans gonna handle being united with Gordon???? This is unbelievable!


Spanish

June 13, 2007 11:16 AM

Why is this a big deal? Weren't Dale Sr and Gordon friends?


Mark Harold

June 13, 2007 11:50 AM

Where's Denny Green when you need him? Hendrick is about to become the king of 2008. It's time to crown their ass!


Arrington

June 13, 2007 12:06 PM

If you can't figure it out Spanish, I think it's time to hand in the keys to your Ford F-150.


Boswell

June 13, 2007 2:08 PM

If he can't win here, he needs to find a new line of work.


stew

June 13, 2007 4:11 PM

does Budweiser go with him??


Brendan

June 14, 2007 8:11 AM

I don't understand how any of this works. Why wouldn't he get to race in the same number and why don't the sponsors go with him? Do certain numbers belong to each teams?


Patrick

June 14, 2007 9:49 AM

The numbers are owned by the individual teams. If Hendrick wants to keep Junior in the #8, they will have to pay DEI a lot of money. Otherwise, Earnhardt will be in the #5 that Kyle Busch drives right now. The sponsors are under contract with the teams as well. Bud is under contract with DEI for at least another year after this one. My guess is that they will break the contract with DEI, agree to a settlement on damages, and Bud will go to Hendrick with Junior. Earnhardt IS Budweiser in the NASCAR world. And you don't piss away that kind of brand identification.


Anderson

June 14, 2007 2:03 PM

so what happens to all the dudes that had Earnhardt's #8 tattooed onto their backs, legs and arms? :)



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