There's Your Karma, Ripe As Peaches

Apparently, Michael Strahan Has Options

While perusing NFL.com this morning, I spotted this headline: "Agent: Strahan has not made decision, still considering options."

Options? His wife gave him a proper rogering in the divorce proceedings, receiving $15.3 million, a New Jersey mansion, $18,000 a month in child support, another $311,000 in back child support and 91 percent of their two kids’ private school tuition. And now, after trying to bully the Giants into giving him more money to make up for having half of his assets jacked, Strahan is facing replacement and $485,000 in fines! But instead of having an agent that does his job properly and gives actual advice, he's being told that he has options.

Earth to Michael: Go back to work! You have no options! Your wife took your money, the Giants called your bluff and now you're deluding yourself into you've got hand. "Take that Giants, you'll see!" No, Michael, they won't see and you'll be broke. There is nothing out there for you. Keyshawn Johnson has already taken the position of "newly retired player with huge knot in tie" on ESPN, and Jerome Bettis, Sterling Sharpe, Cris Collinsworth and Tiki Barber have cornered the "randomly insightful" retiree spots on NBC. The only real tv option out there is joining Rodney Peete and John Salley on Best Damn and if that's the case, you may as well throw in the towel and see if George Foreman wants to partner up on a new grill.

Not even Al Davis is foolish enough to go for this one, not with the way we're going to make it rain over Michael Vick in 3 years. So stay in New York. Even if 80% of your ridiculous salary is going to your ex-wife, at least you can make a little flash money doing "more meat" commercials with Subway Jared and his weird, melted, cock sucking lips.

If you keep up this hold out madness much longer, your only option will be to bubble wrap your balls and remaining shreds of self-respect and mail it all to your ex-wife and John Mara with a note that says, "You win :( Regards, Mike" And no one wants that, least of all me, a petty, bitter Raiders fan that reveres you for being a complicated, ferocious animal that has singlehandedly filled the photo album for the NFL's Gayest Headshots of All Time.

Posted at August 31, 2007 10:48 AM

Comments (4): Apparently, Michael Strahan Has Options

Maine	August 31, 2007 11:29 AM
	Options: 1.) Go back to work, play football, be average. 2.) Eat a Subway sandwich with double meat. Giggle like a homosexual with Jared. 3.) Continue flossing with what appears to be a suspension bridge cable. 4.) Think about divorce lawyer. Shake head in shame. 5.) Morning radio.

Alonso	August 31, 2007 2:37 PM
	I will not be even the slightest bit of surprised if the 2010 Raiders roster includes Michael Vick, Pacman Jones, Chris Henry, Odell Thurman, Tank Johnson, Lance Briggs AND one Michael Strahan doing a Bruce Smith routine.

Pessler	August 31, 2007 10:04 PM
	looks like strahan saw the light. but its not like he really needs training camp these days. he'll be average no matter what.

Eric	September 4, 2007 1:22 PM
	Did I tell you I've actually seen Jared out at a bar in Atlanta? It was surreal - almost like watching a trainwreck. He was plying this one girl with alcohol and eventually suceeded in making out with her a bit. Now, she will always be known as the girl who made out with Jared from Subway. After this weekend, I think Michigan fans can relate! :)

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