Thanks for Ruining Another NFL Sunday, Al Davis

My most recent Sunday, like most occurring in the fall since 2003, was sour and distressing. But it wasn’t really the Raiders performance that left me in ruin. You see, I braced myself for the inevitable loss to the Detroit Lions when Jon Gruden left for Tampa Bay, so I could anticipate game-changing misses by Fatty McSeabass, gruesome interceptions, laughable fumbles and random moments of false hope. But all of that could have never prepared me for the pain I felt when I saw this:

or this…

or… this

Thanks, for fucking nothing, Al Davis!! We have Randy Moss, the most dangerous receiver in the NFL for, what, three years and this guy couldn’t accomplish dick. And it’s not like he rolled into the Bay with his typical "Yeah, I’m the laziest SOB on the planet. What of it?" attitude either. In the beginning, Moss was actually trying! But positivity is hard to maintain when your offensive coordinator is using the NFL as a sabbatical from his job at a bed n’ breakfast and Martin Lawrence is "throwing" you the ball.

Contrary to popular opinion, Randy Moss hadn’t suffered a debilitating loss of skill nor was he critically diminished. He’d just been Raiderized. And now the mercurial receiver has emerged like a phoenix rising from the ashes, putting up nine receptions for 183 yards and a touchdown from Mr. Tuck Rule himself. Pardon me while I vomit.

With every Moss reception on Sunday, the bile rose further and further from my stomach. By the time he caught a touchdown, I was so engulfed with rage and fury that I got dizzy and fell out of my chair. Soon enough, Moss will have a ring and a 1,000 yard season to hang it on. That’s just fucking great.

Thanks again for another great start and end to the NFL season, Al. I won’t soon forget it.