Thanks for Ruining Another NFL Sunday, Al Davis
My most recent Sunday, like most occurring in the fall since 2003, was sour and distressing. But it wasn't really the Raiders performance that left me in ruin. You see, I braced myself for the inevitable loss to the Detroit Lions when Jon Gruden left for Tampa Bay, so I could anticipate game-changing misses by Fatty McSeabass, gruesome interceptions, laughable fumbles and random moments of false hope. But all of that could have never prepared me for the pain I felt when I saw this:
or this...
or... this :(
Thanks, for fucking nothing, Al Davis!! We have Randy Moss, the most dangerous receiver in the NFL for, what, three years and this guy couldn't accomplish dick. And it's not like he rolled into the Bay with his typical "Yeah, I'm the laziest SOB on the planet. What of it?" attitude either. In the beginning, Moss was actually trying! But positivity is hard to maintain when your offensive coordinator is using the NFL as a sabbatical from his job at a bed n' breakfast and Martin Lawrence is "throwing" you the ball.
Contrary to popular opinion, Randy Moss hadn't suffered a debilitating loss of skill nor was he critically diminished. He'd just been Raiderized. And now the mercurial receiver has emerged like a phoenix rising from the ashes, putting up nine receptions for 183 yards and a touchdown from Mr. Tuck Rule himself. Pardon me while I vomit.
With every Moss reception on Sunday, the bile rose further and further from my stomach. By the time he caught a touchdown, I was so engulfed with rage and fury that I got dizzy and fell out of my chair. Soon enough, Moss will have a ring and a 1,000 yard season to hang it on. That's just fucking great. Thanks again for another great start and end to the NFL season, Al. I won't soon forget it.
Posted at September 10, 2007 9:54 AM
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Comments (12): Thanks for Ruining Another NFL Sunday, Al Davis
Eric
September 10, 2007 10:15 AM
My question is - which happens first? Jon Gruden finally gets axed as the Bucs Head Coach, or Al Davis finally keels over?
Flash
September 10, 2007 10:40 AM
Gruden will get fired first. I've long held the belief that when nuclear winter destroys humanity and nearly all lifeforms on earth, the only things remaining will be cockroaches, amoeba and Al Davis. That corpse will outlive us all.
Julius
September 10, 2007 11:14 AM
Bad Sunday huh? And I'll bet the amount of sprint abuse you had to hand down to the team yesterday and this morning at the asscrack of dawn didn't contribute to that at all.
Zibby
September 10, 2007 11:38 AM
she fuckin destroyed us. And TT? forget it. the dude couldn't even walk away after she was done this morning. he's been down in the TR at least 2 hours trying to recover and I think she lost her voice lol. Sorry to say it Flash but if you could sprain your ankle between now and training session, that would really make my day :)
Hadrian
September 10, 2007 12:13 PM
Now that Tom Brady has actual weapons (sorry Givens), I'm tasting the bile too. That line could have given him another 5 minutes to examine the field on each play if they wanted to. Al Davis gift-wrapped this Super Bowl and even had the heart to put a little bow on top.
Craig
September 10, 2007 12:45 PM
Ok, before I get into anything relating to your actual points, I just want to say how sad it is that people around here are taking the Lions win to mean that Detroit is actually good. Apparently, they didn't pay much attention to the fact that Josh McCown threw for 300 yards against them.
Ok, a couple things I don't understand:
1. Why was nothing done about Randy Moss not caring? This has come up with other players before, and it never ceases to amaze me. If I were to just put in as little effort as possible and be unproductive (despite appearances, I do work and am very productive), I'd be in all sorts of trouble and looking for a new job if it continued. Moss and other players can just say that they don't care and continue to make premium money because on the occasions where the do care, they are quite good. Shouldn't there be a penalty of some sort, monetary or otherwise?
2. How did what appears to be a homosexual zombie end up owning a football team, anyway? And for that matter shouldn't there be some way for a city or fans to fire a team's owner? Everyone else has accountability, but as long as he makes money, the owner can be an idiot and no one can do a thing.
Patrick
September 10, 2007 3:03 PM
Even if there was a way to fire Davis, Raiders fans wouldn't take it. There are 5 Raiders fans that want Al Davis to die, our depressed author included. The rest of them live in the Black Hole and are pretty damn sure that they're just an athletic draft pick away from having the best team in the AFC.
AJ
September 10, 2007 9:03 PM
You're still talking about the tuck rule?? Get over it Warner. The Patriots are God's chosen people :)
Craig
September 11, 2007 8:27 AM
"The Patriots are God's chosen people"
Now that's just plain blasphemous. God wouldn't try to video anybody's signals.
Silver
September 11, 2007 9:51 AM
What? The Pats are Jews? That seems very UN-Boston to me.
NFL Adam
September 11, 2007 9:55 PM
Don't you remember that Moss had a couple of monster games when he first arrived in Oakland, then he was punched in the mouth and coasted the rest of the season? Well that punch will be delivered early. Like this Sunday night.
Maine
September 12, 2007 2:48 PM
Oh, there are more than 5 Raider fans that want Al dead and gone. We hate that fucker. Aaron Brooks?!
Sunday was brutal. Moss pulled a Kaizer Soze on us. All we need now is for Robert Gallery to sign with Tampa Bay and make the Pro Bowl. Why can't I stop vomiting?