There's Your Karma, Ripe As Peaches

Suzy Kolber Joins Appalachian Emergency Room

If I had to guess, Suzy Kolber exited the womb squinting and rocking a pixie cut, and, from then on, was compulsively clad in turtlenecks and neck scarves regardless of the temperature. Whether it's true or not, I kind of enjoy the imagery, so don't spoil it for me. In any case, I don't know how long Suzy has been around but the only thing about her that seems to change as an NFL season progresses is how just how many layers of turtlenecks and neck scarves she can wrap herself in as we get nearer to the Super Bowl. Her seemingly pathological nature with wearing those particular items is actually somewhat fascinating.

But while watching Monday Night Football tonight, she popped on the screen not only wearing some type of business suit from JC Penney but also sporting hair that made her look like a patient on Appalachian Emergency Room:

What on earth could have gone wrong? And no, being in Jacksonville is no excuse.

I know these MNF people like to sample the local flavor - crab cakes in Baltimore, barbeque in Kansas City, buffalo wings in Buffalo, and so on, but rolling down to Appalachia is no excuse to show up on national television looking like two squirrels crawled on your head, built a nest, mated and died. That's simply unacceptable.

Look Suzy, I know you're supposed to be pregnant and all but you've got to get your act together. You're on tv. You can't just be running around looking like you just walked out of a Rush concert. 2 thumbs down.

Posted at October 23, 2007 12:38 AM

Comments (12): Suzy Kolber Joins Appalachian Emergency Room

Toxic	October 23, 2007 7:38 AM
	Somebody impregnated that, one wonders if during the process she just kept wittering on "And he said to me".

Joey B.	October 23, 2007 8:33 AM
	This is actually kind of sad. I thought Suzy Kolber was kind of cute! WTF happened?

tim	October 23, 2007 9:02 AM
	Good God, that is hideous.

Eric	October 23, 2007 12:34 PM
	Maybe she's just one of those Moms who gives up on being cute once impregnated? I bet if you panned down, you'd see a pair of jeans that rise a good inch or two above the belly button, giving her that delicious "destroyed loins" look.

Hadrian	October 23, 2007 2:12 PM
	Destroyed loins. Nice :) So who/what got Suzy pregnant? My money is on Michelle Tafoya.

Eric	October 23, 2007 3:57 PM
	I'm going to guess the guys over at Kissing Suzy Kolber got together, spliced their collective DNA, and turkey basted her under the cover of darkness...

Anderson	October 23, 2007 4:17 PM
	I thought I watched every excruciating minute of MNF last night. How did I miss this horror? Her hair looks like something Joe Willy killed while out coon huntin in Alabama.

Gavin	October 23, 2007 5:14 PM
	I don't know who this woman is but I saw mention that she's pregnant. I'll attempt to defend her: some pregnant women can't wear certain hair products because of the chemicals. Perhaps the hair products that she used in the past actually prevented her from looking like she stepped out of a double wide in a Louisiana trailer park.

Barron	October 23, 2007 8:37 PM
	Where are they hiding Pam Oliver?

Julius	October 24, 2007 1:35 AM
	Nobody's got an ass like Pam Oliver. Nobody on the sideline that is.

Toxic	October 24, 2007 9:21 AM
	"My money is on Michelle Tafoya." Does she hold a cock the way she holds her mic one wonders.

AJ	October 25, 2007 8:31 AM
	On the plus side, that's the most Suzy has opened her eyes in years. Who could have ever guessed her eyes were blue?

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