You Just Failed the World, Cleveland!
Disclaimer/Admission: I have no right to bitch. I am a fairweather fan and, therefore, a complete disgrace.
In the last week, I have become the Cleveland Indians' biggest "no right to root for them" fan. I threw on my brother's offensive Chief Wahoo hat and memorized each player's stats and skills to ensure that I could run my mouth with accuracy and conviction. I bumped my gums to any Sox fan within earshot and as Cleveland racked up wins, I was well on my way to a restoration of playoff happiness.
But then came game 5, where the Indians decided to make a run at the 2004 Yankees' title for most humiliating and pathetic ALCS collapse. Why? It's anyone's guess. The only thing I can figure is that rules of nature are violated if the city of Cleveland isn't mired in misery and defeat. A proper victory might mean the Indians would have to move to a new city where hope and happiness reign and hey, Denver already has a team. A miracle/storybook/heartwarming/Cinderella/unlikely/more Joe Buck adjectives and phrases team.
But oh well, right? At least Eric Wedge is calm and keeping things in perspective.
"We won three games in a row and they won three in a row," Indians manager Eric Wedge said. "I'm disappointed, obviously, we weren't able to finish it off."
 Yeah, so are we, Eric. I'm not speaking to you as a legit Indians fan but as a Yankees fan that rabidly supports any team that could/should bust the Boston Red Sox in the mouth.
There are rules to this game. There are protocols and policies. If you beat the Yankees in post-season play and the Red Sox are next on the menu, it is your duty to defeat them. It's not "well, we just wanna play good baseball and we'll see how it goes." No, "see how it goes" is not how it works. "See how it goes" is loser talk. Once you are in a position to beat the Boston Red Sox into submission, it is incumbent upon you to do so by any means necessary. If nothing else, it's simply a matter of common decency.
Naturally, there is a strategy to this. When managers find themselves in a potential giant-killer run of Yankees then Sux, they should understand that they can't use up their entire arsenal on Yankees. It's pretty obvious to anyone that isn't completely delusional that we turtle up and die the second Dane Cook shows up on air to obnoxiously proclaim that it's "Actober." (When is that douchebag's 15 minutes up???) Yankees in the playoffs is defined by horrendous pitching, dead bats and bad luck. We are never long for the pasting these days. As such, Wedge should have known that he could save some things in his bag of tricks for the ALCS. The 11th Plague of Egypt would have been a little more helpful in, I don't know, Game 5 of the ALCS, wouldn't it, Indians fans? Instead, it was wasted on a team that couldn't produce with runners in scoring position if they were playing against a pitching machine in Central Park.
Nice strategizing, Wedge. You blew your wad too soon and now I have to become the Colorado Rockies' biggest "no right to root for them" fan. And thanks to a 10-day vacation, which has seen the Rockies' mojo sucked dry by constant fellating from both the media and women, they will inevitably come out clouded, rusty and overconfident. By the time they come to, the Sux will be up 3-0 in the World Series. Great. Just great.
Posted at October 22, 2007 10:13 AM
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Comments (10): You Just Failed the World, Cleveland!
Eric
October 22, 2007 10:35 AM
As a man - I can honestly say that I am neither rusty nor cloudy after a good fellating...especially when done by the media.
mjb
October 22, 2007 11:29 AM
Great write up. As a beaming Red Sox fan wearing my jersey today (against office protocol), I am glad to see the other shoe fall for Yankee fans everywhere.
I am not so sure the Red Sox are going to get a 3-0 jump on the Rockies.
AJ
October 22, 2007 2:34 PM
Stop whining!!!
When you come home from work, I hope you take extra time to enjoy the wonder of the big BOSOX banner that I've hung over the porch. It's basically the most beautiful thing that ever was. :)
krako
October 22, 2007 3:21 PM
I nearly pulled a you last night when it was obvious it was all over for us. But I'll say this, at least we'll be back next year. The Yankees will still be doing the same tired bullshit. If you guys re-sign Clemens for $55 million to play 15 games, I won't be surprised!
Anthony
October 22, 2007 4:28 PM
If Sabathia and Carmona were worth a shit when it mattered, we wouldn't even be talking about Boston. Sabathia might want to work on losing the entire cow that he's carrying in his stomach. It might help his stamina at the end of next season.
Adam Castro
October 22, 2007 6:38 PM
I've got my money on the Rockies. They're just too hot. I'm not trying to take credit away from the Sox but it's not like they blew the Indians out of the water or something in a dominant display. Cleveland almost had to go out of their way to give it away, whether it was through pitching, bonehead base running or bad defense.
flash
October 22, 2007 10:43 PM
I can't fault you there, mjb. If I was in your position, I'd be doing the same.
I don't actually believe the Red Sox will jump out to a 3-0 lead but given the extreme lay off the Rockies have had, I won't be remotely surprised if you blow them out of the park in game 1. My guess is, that game will be over before the Rockies even know what happened. After that, who knows.
Toxic
October 23, 2007 7:34 AM
This, the rugby on Saturday and last night at Toonsville, fucking horrible few days.
Hadrian
October 23, 2007 2:08 PM
As much as it pains me to even think about, Sox in 5.
AJ
October 25, 2007 8:29 AM
Nice Game 1 prediction, Flashers :-D