There's Your Karma, Ripe As Peaches

Thanks for Nothing, Israel

England is officially boned. I'm not talking about prospects for Euro 2008 qualification - our chances to blow that remain as high as ever. I'm referring to our hope for future development under a manager instead of a wooden-toothed, ginger haired poseur. With the way things sorted out on Saturday, the State of the Three Lions would have better odds on a happy ending in a choose your own adventure book.

The England job is one of the most prestigious in international football; whoever serves as manager should be able to man almost any position in the world. But, amazingly, we are lead by a man that would struggle to be named manager at a mid-table Premiership team.

Suggesting McClown as a solution for managerial vacancies at clubs like Real Madrid, Barca, ManUre, Bayern Munich, AC Milan or Arsenal would elicit nothing but laughter. And when put in that perspective, his current job status is truly bizarre. I can't fathom - considering those things - how McClaren's current employment came to be. I mean, I know the facts but I'm still struggling to come to terms with how people that care about English football actually allowed it to occur.

I can think of no top flight manager in the world that would be a worse option for England. No manager worth his salt that the FA could say, "Meh... how bout McClaren?" Has he proven himself to be a good coach for high caliber managers? Yes. But is he a high caliber manager? Not even close! Steve McClaren is the personification of the Peter Principle, only he's been promoted to a position that outstrips his ability.

In that vein, perhaps the bulk of the blame shouldn't fall on his shoulders. It's up to the players to play, afterall. And they're spoiled, overrated punks that, on the whole, display little effort and passion, look at the opposing team as if they have no right to breathe the same air and then feign shock when things go wrong. But their failures notwithstanding, it is incumbent upon McClaren to do more than place our disparate collection of overpriced show ponies in a 4-4-1-1 and call it a day... isn't it?

"It's 4-5-1 today, gentlemen! Hargreaves and Barry: hunker down, guard the box and be ready for Cashley Cole to screw the lot of us when he gets smoked in no man's land. Becks: Ping 30 yarders into the box. Some will turn into throw-ins, 5 will become corners and one just might hit Crouch in the head. Crouch: Be ready."

"Didn't we do that when we were playing in the 4-4-2?

"Yes. Yes we did."

It's like he's not even trying. I know developing an actual tactical strategy and building a team of people that can work together to attack the upcoming opponent's weaknesses and defend against its strengths is a real time drain but damn. Does McClaren really have anything else to do? He's certainly not watching football. It's like those people that go to work all day and do nothing but shop online and watch YouTube videos. At some point, even they get bored and do some work to spice up the day. Surely, McClaren reached that point long ago.

But thanks to Israel, it may not even matter. Israel is my secondary national team and while I really appreciate the fighting spirit on most days, was the injury time goal really necessary on Saturday? Was it? Honestly? Now we're faced with the possibility of actually making Euros and I have to pray for Croatia to be completely inept... praying that England will be good is about as fruitful as setting a wad of $20s on fire.

Now, if we win on Wednesday, the ideal situation is that the FA gives Ginger a swift kick in the arse in favor of Martin O'Neill - or anyone really. But it's far more likely that we're left with the following two scenarios:

1. England falls to Croatia, making the managerial question somewhat irrelevant until the close of Euros.
   
• Result 1: A wiser, more patient FA brass conducts a legitimate coaching search and gets it right.
  
• Result 2: A botched search leads to the second debacle in as many years with an astonishingly terrible hire like Bruce Arena.
  
  
2. England wins and the FA does nothing but feel smug vindication against the criticizing masses. The whole of England will bitch and moan until the lads and their wags are shuffled out of the Alps in the quarterfinals. As McClown preaches about disproving naysayers and gunning for the World Cup, the Three Lions will slip further down the spiral. Mediocrity doesn't just beget mediocrity; it also begets inferiority and if we keep this up, English football will descend into the sort of junk that Americans largely view as a complete waste of time.
   

I'm betting on scenario #2. Why? Because we're English and whatever situation will create the most pain is what will end up going down. Thanks again, Israel. Jerks.

Posted at November 19, 2007 7:34 PM

Comments (12): Thanks for Nothing, Israel

Gavin	November 20, 2007 6:56 AM
	The FA WILL fuck it up. We'll win tomorrow and McLaren will stay on until 4 months out from the World Cup. Then they will sack him out of nowhere and we will have to settle for a manager that is even more awful (if that person exists).

Toxic

November 20, 2007 7:16 AM

"England wins and the FA does nothing but feel smug vindication" It's going to happen isn't it, that cunt Barwick is going to be wanking on about how McClown was his first and only choice. And on a TV poll last night 50% of so called fans want him to stay no matter what happens on Wednesday, christ they give morons like that the right to vote and have kids no wonder this country has gone to the dogs.

Shiloh	November 20, 2007 9:29 AM
	Cunts, the lot of em. And if that's how they feel, then perhaps England is about to get exactly what she deserves.

vancutsem	November 20, 2007 10:22 AM
	Until the golden generation is gone, it won't matter who our manager is. Any new hire that would dare to sit them or leave them off the squad would be absolutely demolished by the press and half the nation.

Bobby	November 20, 2007 3:26 PM
	"Mediocrity doesn't just beget mediocrity; it also begets inferiority and if we keep this up, English football will descend into the sort of junk that Americans largely view as a complete waste of time." The link makes this nothing short of mean! I thought we were friends! WTF?

Esky	November 20, 2007 11:11 PM
	trust me Bos, I've had the same talk with her. I got the "and what, motherfucker???" stare lol I'm dying to make fn of you about this Flash but if you're gonna be happier if England loses, I guess I've gotta pray that they don't! Go ENGLAND!! Wooooo!

Sawyer	November 21, 2007 1:37 AM
	Boned is right. I heard he's gonna sit Robinson and Beckham for Carson and Wright-Phillips. McLaren's not playing for a draw. He's gonna try to win this thing :)

Britton	November 21, 2007 4:15 AM
	"McLaren's not playing for a draw. He's gonna try to win this thing :)" Right but we're not the Italians. If we play for a draw, we'll lose by 2 or 3.

Toxic	November 21, 2007 7:28 AM
	"in favor of Martin O'Neill - or anyone really" The FA are getting ready to install Shearer asap, fuck I hope Big Sam gets the push very soon. 80% or people polled by Sky wanted Beckham in the team, either they were mainly Jocks, Taffs or Micks or the majority of people want McClown out.

flash	November 22, 2007 12:31 PM
	I'm not too keen on Martin O'Neill actually. I'm just desperate for anybody. But I've been hearing these murmurs about the Special One today and while I never believe that will happen, the prospect is still incredibly frightening.

cullen	November 23, 2007 1:44 AM
	SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI SCOLARI Pray hard.

Toxic	November 23, 2007 6:49 AM
	Shearer has now stopped being a dark horse for this, he has supporters in the FA and even worse the England dressing room. This is something that has to be stopped now before Keggy Keegle 2 happens. O'Neill or Jose it has to be one of them.

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