Time Waits For No Man, Unless that Man is Brett Favre

All the props in the world to the New York Football Giants, who managed to resist the temptation to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory on Sunday night. But I have a sneaking suspicion that this occurred only because the NFL did not properly communicate the contents of the Favre memo, which I imagine read something like this:

"Look, we’ll crap on the Seahawks, Packers and Cowboys, enabling you to skate relatively unscathed to the Super Bowl if you can do us just one solid — let Favre win. I know you think this is ludicrous but if you look at the big picture, this really is for the best. Remember back in 2002 when he was kind enough to give Michael Strahan the all-time sack record by going down faster than a hooker at a prison rodeo? Well, that’s all we ask you to remember here – pay it forward. He took care of one of your own when that chap needed it most and now, we at the NFL need you to take care of us, and, really, everyone outside of Wisconsin. No more will he or won’t he. No more self-righteous indignation. No more biased, obnoxious commentary. Think about the greater good (and the money we can make), Giants. See ya at Lambeau."

God forbid the Giants cooperate. You know, for a while, I thought they might be on board with the plan; at the very least, Lawrence Tynes was. But I guess there comes a point where you’re just too damn close to keep hooking kicks and you have to send one through. As such, Favre will be back for his 18th season – not because he has anything left to prove or the itch to lead what is likely the best young nucleus in the NFL to the Promised Land is so great, but because he can’t leave the game with such an offensively bitter taste in his mouth.

When a legendary champion like Brett Favre takes his final walk in the sun, he’s supposed  to go out in a blaze of glory or die trying, not walk away following a mistake-riddled travesty that he’d rather block out than think about again.

So after 6 months of obnoxious, gratuitous speculation, we’ll see him again and frankly, that just fucking sucks. I’m trying not to be a hater on this one, which is rare for me, but I AM SO SICK OF BRETT FAVRE. And the thing is, it’s not even his fault!

Favre is one of the most admirable sportsmen of the last 20 years and whether he’s throwing 5 touchdowns or 5 interceptions, watching him play is always an absolute joy. But I just can’t handle hearing about him anymore. Not that stories about Adam Jones or Michael Vick are better but the way the media tongues his balls from August to January and then waits around Hattiesburg like lost puppies looking for a bone in the off-season has completely crossed the boundaries of reason. Just the other day, that beached whale Chris Berman actually said, "Cheering for Brett Favre is like cheering for America!" Are you kidding me? I know I’m being selfish and that I’m in the minority on this one but since Favre isn’t going away for at least another season (nor should he, to be honest), is it too much to ask for the media to give it a bloody rest for once? Or maybe, perhaps, can we just call Greenpeace and have Berman towed back out to sea?

I’m sure one of these options is totally within reason.

picture via: citypages.com