Sep 24, 2009
Flash

Why Do Men Watch Porn?

So my fella and I were laying around yesterday when the subject of porn came up. It was my doing, really, as I was telling him about this lech I once worked with who spent more time cranking off in his office than actually working. When Phil resigned, IT discovered that his browsing history was full of nothing but XTube, PornHub, cam girls and email. A well-rounded chap.

After the mockery, the conversation took its course and the boy shared that he watches porn when I’m not around and his imagination isn’t enough. “That doesn’t bother you does it?” Why would it? He’s a dude and dudes watch porn. They’re visual creatures who like to get off, and as long as his liking to get off doesn’t turn into some crazy addiction where he’s more interested in porn than me, I don’t care. Maybe next time, we’ll even watch together.

Porn addict! For shame!Well according to Revolutionary Man, a site that helps male personal and spiritual development, I need to care because it’s likely that my man has a serious problem, and, sadly, so do the rest of you.

Even though every second sees 28,258 people surf porn (72% of whom are men), you all deny it and even go to extreme measures to cover your scandalous tracks. Why? Well, you’re repressed and confused by “oversexualized imagery and messages” from society. This sad state of affairs creates stress at home because it means you might have to admit to a partner that you don’t “know how to manage the sexual life forces raging through [your] body.”

Perhaps I’m acquainted with the wrong type of men, but I was pretty sure that about 98% of you were little more than raging sexual life forces. That you get through the day with only a few physical manifestations of that fact is a testament to your managerial skills.

Men get mixed messages about sex, and with all the conflicting information, and nowhere to go to sort it out, it can end up coming out sideways in the form of strip clubs, constantly objectifying women, porn use, hookers and much more.

Repression + confusion = porn, hookers, strippers, late nights, blow. Porn is the ultimate gateway drug. Remember that.

Surfing porn is a symptom of some underlying discomfort a man is experiencing… surfing porn becomes a way to ‘get rid of’ the discomfort. It is very much like a quick high, a jolt of energy that feels great for a microsecond during orgasm… But much like getting high or even taking a nap, reality has a way of creeping back in and, almost without fail, seconds after ejaculation shame and guilt set in as a guy attempts to hide his tracks and close his computer’s browser.

Of course the guy closes his browser. It’s not like cuddling after sex. There’s no reason to linger. There’s no semi-delirious, romantic afterglow where he reminisces about his 7 minutes with images and videos of big jugged broads with spunk dripping down their faces. When the brain finally clears out the inevitable clouds and fog that come along with masturbation, you close the browser and find something else to do – take a nap, watch sports, mow the lawn, hit the store.

But if, after this period, a man is mindful of deleting the evidence, then it’s probably for the best. Maybe he lives with an insecure pit viper who will give him hell him for it. Maybe he shares the computer and doesn’t want roommates knowing that he’s into pregnant trannies and black guys. Or maybe he’s doing this at work and doesn’t want evidence on his computer. People cover their tracks so they can cover their asses, not because they’re wracked with guilt and shame.

Even I watch porn every now and again, and while there’s no shame in my game, I will admit to one porn-related fear: that I’ll die in the middle of it and porn will be all over my screen. It’s the same reason it took me ages to get a vibrator. I’ll tap out and the first responders will clown my dead, half naked body because my heart couldn’t handle the combination of thug love videos and my OhMiBod. Who wants to go out like that?

But not wanting to die with porn on blast doesn’t mean I scramble to erase the traces when I’m done. In fact, I have favorites bookmarked because I don’t want to waste time looking for something new. For me, porn is like fast food. Could I really treat myself? Yeah. But I’m hungry and I want to eat NOW. So I hit the drive up, order a combo and in 6 minutes or less, I’m good to go. Thank you. Come again. Sure, it’s not good to be eating like that all the time, but it’s efficient and effective.

However, now that I’ve admitted to being a sucker for voyeurism, I’m in the same boat with the rest of you sex maniacs. Luckily, Revolutionary Man gives us self-help steps:

1) Tell someone.

This is a hotly debated subject with men who are willing to have this conversation. One option is to come out of the closet with your porn behavior. You kept it a secret for a reason, now break the ice by telling a close, trusting male friend that won’t judge you… Next, determine how your partner might react to your porn use if you told her/him. For some folks, it helps, others it hurts.

The first step is admitting you have a problem, but unlike other shameful afflictions, you’d be just as well off telling a random man on the street than any of your boys because 99 times out of 100, he’ll identify with you. In fact, he may even have a free password you can use.

2) Start paying attention to when you surf

If porn is a symptom of being “off” in your life, the “off” feeling is what you need to address. If you surf porn occasionally, start taking note of when these times occur. Did you just get in a fight with your wife recently? Do you have a lot of free time and this helps you pass the time? Why is it so hard to just be with yourself? What is going on in your life right now that feels so off? What time of day do you surf?

The “off feeling” is your body telling you that it’s done messing around and it wants the sweet release of an orgasm. It’s not that deep.

“Say Flash, if you wouldn’t mind swinging by Wahoo’s for fish tacos – like right now – I’d appreciate it. I’m starving.”
“No problem, Buddha, that sounds tasty. I’m happy to oblige!”

Surely you’re having a similar conversation with your cock and balls from time to time.

3) Porn fast.

No more porn. Commit to no porn for at least 3 months and then observe yourself and your behavior. Of course, if you’ve never done any self-inquiry, this is going to be challenging for you.  What you may find is by removing porn from the equation, you start to notice that you used porn to deal with some discomfort in your life. What do you replace it with? How do you cope?

BAHAHAHAHAHA. Please.

Everyone needs a little visual entertainment every now and again (some of us more than others). As long as you do porn and don’t let porn do you, there should be no guilt or shame attached. The only people who should feel ashamed are the saps over at Revolutionary Man, who get two enthusiastic thumbs down for trying to pawn this garbage talk onto unsuspecting, impressionable, repressed blokes. If they’re on your site trying to find their way, the last thing they need is your fearmongering rubbish about porn being crack in disguise.

Boo, Revolutionary Man. Boo and hiss.

16 Comments

  • yeah it doesn’t get any more complex than that. porn = getting off. this guy’s article is ridiculous.

  • thug love videos, huh, Flash? :) Really though, everybody knows everyone else is doing it. If you’re actually ashamed of it, you probably have mounds of other problems to deal with too.

  • LOL. I don’t look at it much but when I do, it’s like a trusty old pal. Watching a little amateur and then having a nap never hurt anybody :)

  • think you can talk to my wife?

  • I think a biggest problem people like this author have is being raised with the shite belief that masturbation is either sinful or wrong. Then they turn into adults with the same beliefs but they keep right on wanking in private AND sneaking porn in the shadows. Then they act like hypocritical self righteous jackals.

  • “When the brain finally clears out the inevitable clouds and fog that come along with masturbation, you close the browser and find something else to do – take a nap, watch sports, mow the lawn, hit the store.”
    Yeah except when you’re so cloudy and fogged that you leave to find something else to do and forget to close the browser!

  • What is this porn you speak of?

  • “I’ll tap out and the first responders will clown my dead, half naked body”
    Reminds me of Edge Of Darkness when Bob Peck is searching round his dead daughters flat and comes across one of her toys.

  • exactly, Toxic. No father needs that stress.

  • Don’t imagine any daughter needs the thought of what Peck’s character did to said toy after he found it either.

  • Me and the wife watch it together. No guilt and shame at our house.

  • yeah JJ but you guys have also got swings bolted into the ceiling so porn is just scratching the surface lol

  • “For me, porn is like fast food. Could I really treat myself? Yeah. But I’m hungry and I want to eat NOW. So I hit the drive up, order a combo and in 6 minutes or less, I’m good to go. Thank you. Come again. Sure, it’s not good to be eating like that all the time, but it’s efficient and effective.”
    best defense of porn ever

  • The saddest thing about the original article are all the people buying into it in the comments on that site. A lotta people have sex addictions/porn addictions but the comments act like there’s no gray area. You either don’t look at porn OR you’ve got an addiction and you need help. I can’t believe people are still thinkin like this.

  • what’s on next at Revolutionary Hypocrites? curing homosexuality in 6 steps?

  • I just got done watching pr0n and it was awesome. Revolutionary Man can go fuck themselves.

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I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.

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