A-Rod 2.0™ (that’s right, I trademarked that!) is a man possessed. He’s playing baseball like he needs to put food on the table, which is something I never could have imagined. But what’s more important than 2.0 playing out of his mind (or maybe he’s finally IN his mind?) is that our bats came alive, and Joe Girardi kept his non-managing behind on the bench.
For once, we didn’t eke one out and sheepishly tip our hats to brain dead plays from the opposition. With CC Sabathia and 2.0 leading the charge, we completely dismantled the Angels, and there was absolutely nothing they could do about it. But watching 2.0 play like Roy Hobbs at Wrigley Field raises an important question about his past: Is Cynthia Rodriguez 2.0′s Memo Paris?
Before Cynthia (’95 – ’00)
18/53, .339 BA, .375 OBP, .566 SLG (World Series MVP in the making?)
Cynthia (’04 – ’07)
23/94, .244 BA, .372 OBP, .436 SLG (Pinch hitter in the making?)
After Cynthia (’09)
11/27, .407 BA, .469 OBP, 1.000 SLG (Oh my bloody G-d)
As you can see, that ravenous bitch sucked out 2.0′s life force and stored all his power in her biceps, so this theory is totally valid. But this revelation begs another important question – if Cynthia is Memo Paris, who is Iris Lemon? I’d say it is Kate Hudson, who is not only cute and friendly but also seems to be the first woman in 2.0′s life who can’t bench press him with her vagina’s labia majora. Then again…
… who’s to say who serves as Alex’s muse? All I know is that this person needs to be wary. A-Rod 2.0™ is in beta until the end of the 2009 season, and the last thing the Yankees need is some random glitch jacking up the final stages of installation.