Oct 21, 2009
Flash

A-Rod 2.0™ Is Hitting Like the Natural

A-Rod 2.0™ (that’s right, I trademarked that!) is a man possessed. He’s playing baseball like he needs to put food on the table, which is something I never could have imagined. But what’s more important than 2.0 playing out of his mind (or maybe he’s finally IN his mind?) is that our bats came alive, and Joe Girardi kept his non-managing behind on the bench.

For once, we didn’t eke one out and sheepishly tip our hats to brain dead plays from the opposition. With CC Sabathia and 2.0 leading the charge, we completely dismantled the Angels, and there was absolutely nothing they could do about it. But watching 2.0 play like Roy Hobbs at Wrigley Field raises an important question about his past: Is Cynthia Rodriguez 2.0′s Memo Paris? 

Cynthia Rodriguez is Memo Paris. Stone.
Hang in with me here! In his post-season career, 2.0 has managed the following numbers

Before Cynthia (’95 – ’00)
18/53, .339 BA, .375 OBP, .566 SLG (World Series MVP in the making?)

Cynthia (’04 – ’07)
23/94, .244 BA, .372 OBP, .436 SLG (Pinch hitter in the making?)

After Cynthia (’09)
11/27, .407 BA, .469 OBP, 1.000 SLG (Oh my bloody G-d)

As you can see, that ravenous bitch sucked out 2.0′s life force and stored all his power in her biceps, so this theory is totally valid. But this revelation begs another important question – if Cynthia is Memo Paris, who is Iris Lemon? I’d say it is Kate Hudson, who is not only cute and friendly but also seems to be the first woman in 2.0′s life who can’t bench press him with her vagina’s labia majora. Then again…

A-Rod innocently moves Jeter but it looks like ass play

… who’s to say who serves as Alex’s muse? All I know is that this person needs to be wary. A-Rod 2.0™ is in beta until the end of the 2009 season, and the last thing the Yankees need is some random glitch jacking up the final stages of installation.

8 Comments

  • LOL u might be on to something Warner

  • Yup he needs to lay off the man-bints. Keep Hudson out of the gym at any cost.

  • What the fuck is happening in Madonna’s snatch area? Shit is alive in there!

  • Ha we’ve gotta find a way to bottle Kate Hudson before they break up. She’s got a new man about once every 9 weeks.

  • Losing is a disease…
    as contagious as syphilis…attacking one…but infecting all…
    But curable.

  • Anthony, I know it looks scary but don’t worry. All you’re seeing there is Guy Ritchie’s directing mojo fighting like hell to be free.

  • Bench press him with her vagina? LMAO Girl what is goin on with you!!

  • This is absolute bullshit. All we asked of the Angels was to not let you get by. Didn’t care how they did it. JUST STOP THE YANKEES.
    They can’t even steal a fucking base.

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I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.

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