You know, a lot of people have been talking mess about Jon Gruden for adding absolutely nothing but energetic inanities to the weekly Monday Night Football broadcasts.
Now maybe some people don’t like him because he reminds them of that evil high school boy who they secretly hoped would get the emotional shit kicked out of him by life after graduation. Or maybe its because he spews rubbish like this:
All are completely valid reasons to hate on the man (guess which one is mine), but I think it’s time we stop criticizing and give this championship coach the credit he’s due. You see, Jon Gruden just successfully called a 3.5 hour football game with Brett Favre’s cock lodged balls deep in his throat.
What, like you could do the same? Please.
But you know what? I bet tonight was a pretty cool experience for the old chap. Even though it goes without saying that Gruden always had a mouth like a Hoover, I bet he never imagined he’d reach the highest heights as the Champ Kind to Brett Favre’s Ron Burgundy when he was the Packers receiving coach in 1992 (did you know he had that job?). So let’s give a hip, hooray and huzzah to Jon Gruden. It’s time we tip our hats to him for a job well done.
After giving Gruden the Maypole dance of a lifetime, Favre got the rest of ESPN drunk, made sweet love to them under the Minnesota stars and then cooked pancakes and sausages for them this morning.
What really scares me now is the possibility that the Vikings could somehow end up in the Super Bowl. Normally, I’d take solace in the fact that after week 12, Favre starts shitting the bed, but now he has Adrian Peterson and the Jared Allen defense. Who’s going to stop them? And more importantly, who is going to stop the media from shoving it down our throats? ESPN has monopolized sports broadcasting and the rest of the media takes its cues from the Worldwide Leader’s example.
We’re in serious trouble.