I stayed up until 4:30 am watching the New York Yankees win their 40th AL Pennant, and now I’m too wired to sleep. In light of that, I have a few random thoughts.
Last night, Andy Pettitte worked the strike zone like an attentive lover. I wish I could trade places with it. I’d tell him myself but he’s yet to respond to the last letter I sent with locks of my hair in it.
If Robinson Cano was a genre of music, he’d be jazz — one of those smooth Charlie Parker joints with cool, easy getout phrases and soft, sweet, fairytale solos. Though Cano’s defensive play ranges in quality, the way he turns double plays is absolutely sublime.
Vladimir Guerrero is dumber than hair
In related news, the bulk of the Angels roster is shockingly dumb as well. The words fundamentals and smart should never be used in the same sentence as “Angels” ever again.
I mean, wow.
The Yankees were .187 (how appropriate) with RISP in the ALDS, but unlike the Angels, the Phillies are aware that they play in the major leagues. This means they won’t play like asshats in the World Series. it also means they will pound us into submission if we dare leave 52 men on base. You hear that, Posada, Swisher and Teixeira?
After watching the New York Jets violate Jamarcus Russell and the Oakland Raiders, I’ve come to the conclusion that the Silver & Black should change their logo to the Gordian Knot. It is the only image that can truly define this sad organisation.
In related news, I got a call from my 9 year old nephew, Alejandro, who was distraught about the Raiders’ spectacular ineptitude.
A: Aunt (Flash), I’m confused.
F: And I’m here to help.
A: Well, we are Warners.
F: Sure are.
A: And Papa says that makes us winners. (We have a lot of family pride. If we were chavs, at least one of us would have our surname tattooed in Old English across his or her shoulders)
F: Don’t ever forget it, hombrito. Papa speaks the truth.
A: Then why are we cheering for the Raiders? They are not winners.
– I had no answers for him. Sadness abounds.
When will the Indianapolis Colts and the New England Patriots stop running up scores like they’re in the SEC? You don’t need style points to impress BCS voters, assholes. You’re going to the playoffs, not the Sugar Bowl.
ESPN fired Steve Phillips, the former Mets GM who had an affair with a 22 year old production assistant. If ESPN cared as much about the quality and competency of their on-air talent as they do about scandal being brought upon them, they wouldn’t be doing to sports what MTV has already done to music.
Like all public figures who get into trouble, Phillips has decided to enter “a treatment facility to address his personal issues.” I assume this means sex addiction rehab, but the reality is that Steve Phillips doesn’t have a sex addiction problem. He has a Settling for Ugly Bitches problem. If you’re going to cat around and ruin your career, do it with a woman who is worth a damn. Not some hideously fugly broad who looks like Snoopy and spreads like peanut butter because she’s insecure. I wish I had more hands to give this man more thumbs down.
I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.