Jan 31, 2011
Flash

Breaking News: Morning Sex is Good for You

Did you have sex this morning? If not, your day is worse for it. Shocked? Well, you’ll be further crushed to learn that not getting laid in the sunrise hours also diminishes your health.

Like all sex studies that tell us what we could’ve figured out on our own, the latest research states that adults need to find time to shag as soon as they stir. It helps you and your partner feel loving and bonded, makes you both happier, and, according to Dr Herbenick, author of the book Because It Feels Good (haha):

“It makes you stronger and more beautiful… Morning sex can strengthen your immune system for the day by enhancing your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection. And it releases chemicals that boost levels of oestrogen, which improves the tone and texture of your skin and hair.”

The article goes on to state that “women worried their partner will not be willing to participate in an early morning session, may find it surprisingly easy to coax their men into a bout of passion. While he sleeps, the testosterone he’ll use for the upcoming day accumulates. From the time he wakes up, he has a three-hour window when he’s brimming with peak levels.”

Well no shit. Anyone woman who’s unsure if her partner can’t participate in the early morning must not have a partner with a penis. If a man is awake, he is 20 seconds from action. If he just woke up, there’s not even a wait involved, which means the only thing standing in the way of a woman and morning sex is her own bad attitude.

All of this begs the question, why are scientists conducting these studies? What’s the point? Sex is a Jamba Juice antioxidant power boost mixed with multivitamins and wrapped in a gossamer blanket of sunshine. Science didn’t teach me that. Losing my virginity did.

11 Comments

  • “Sex is a Jamba Juice antioxidant power boost mixed with multivitamins and wrapped in a gossamer blanket of sunshine.”

    I am in love with you.

  • The only question I have is which link should I email to my wife – the one to this post or the one to the actual article.

    • If you’re trying to convince your wife to have morning sex, it might be the wrong approach to send her a link to a post that says “which means the only thing standing in the way of a woman and morning sex is her own bad attitude.” Just something you may want to consider :)

  • mwiGYeYjifxyimmbhEZfYi7so1_400.png

    • :(

  • lol my wife wants no part of morning quickies. now i can tell her she’s killing me for real.

  • Um, and if you don’t have a partner?

  • They have to keep doing these studies to reinforce how positively brilliant shagging is on all possible occasions. Just when you think everyone knows this, frigid wanks come along to start denouncing it.

  • With the way scientific research goes, we’ll soon reach to the point where shagging raises your risk of cancer.

  • Anyone who says they don’t have time for morning sex isn’t trying. It is the absolute best way to get going and it is especially good if you’re both pretty busy people who are wiped at the end of the workday.

  • morning breath is the only problem with morning sex but that’s why i keep listerine strips next to my bed!

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I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.

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