Jan 4, 2011
Flash

Brett Favre’s Completion Rate Is Disappointingly Low

Brett Favre and the New York Jets are being sued for sexual harassment by Christina Scavo and Shannon O’Toole, two late-to-the-game opportunists former massage therapists looking for 15 minutes of fame and a settlement cheque. Shocking, I know. I’ll give you a second to pick yourself up from the floor.

The suit alleges that prior to sending pictures of his wounded turtle cock to Jenn Sterger in 2008, Favre tried to seduce the aforementioned masseuses via text message. It also maintains that Favre stared at Scavo “like a hanging slab of meat”, treated Scavo’s husband with disdain when the poor bastard tried to defend his lady’s honour, used a Jets employee to do his bidding on other occasions, and got the duo fired after they resisted his impotent advances. Favre also attempted to lure in an unnamed third therapist with this gem:

“Brett here. You and Crissy want to get together? I’m all alone… Kinda of lonely tonight. I guess I have bad intentions.”

No, Brett. All you have is bad game. “Bad intentions.” Favre’s amateur approach is a disgrace to professional athletes everywhere. These women rejected him and didn’t have to see his thumb drive penis before making the call. They received his messages, weighed their options, and simply said no. Do you know why? No, it’s not because they have self-respect and dignity or aren’t fazed by fame. (They’re massage therapists who service players at home – let’s be real.) It’s because they’re from the east coast and have no interest in protecting him.

Unlike the corn pone cheesehead pussy Favre is used to, it takes a little more than the promise of a Budweiser and a bowl of pretzels to get these women to come to a hotel, drop their knickers, and keep quiet about it. It’s no wonder the dude left New York so fast. He can’t have gotten laid more than a handful of times in the 6 months he was in town.

I don’t know if Brett Favre has designs on getting laid again, but if he does, I suggest he redirect his efforts towards his eternally patient wife or move back to Wisconsin. It’s the only way anyone will be remotely impressed with what he has to offer. “ Kinda of lonely tonight. I guess I have bad intentions.” Who says that? It sounds like some dialogue straight out of a soft core porn on Cinemax.

10 Comments

  • So all of this happened and they didn’t complain until the NFL started investigating another matter. And now that the NFL issued a token fine, they want to sue? Come on.

  • These women have a much better chance at getting a pay day from the Jets than they do Favre, especially with all the emails from their boss who told them to keep their mouths shut and settle things behind closed doors right before giving them the axe.

  • So basically the Jets said “We’re sorry he’s a pervert but if you keep your mouth shut, we’ll pay you. Well, wait, actually, we’re just gonna fire you and not pay you.”

    Why can’t the company I work for be this stupid?

  • His first course of action as a maybe retired player is throwing his phone into the bayou and canceling his contract. What a fucking idiot.

  • This isn’t the last of this bullshit either. More and more women will start coming out just like they did with Tiger.

  • Something tells me this story won’t have a happy ending… *ba dum ching*

    I’ll just go away now..

  • This suit is bollocks. I’m sure Favre harassed them but from the way the suit reads, they were contract employees, not salaried employees. Even with the emails, how can they prove that this is why they weren’t given more work?

  • Not true, Gavin. In a lot of sexual harassment suits, the key issue isn’t whether it occurred but how the company behaved after the complaint was filed. It doesn’t matter if they were contract employees. They have a good case that they were retaliated against for complaining and that’s the primary cause of liability in these cases. I think they’ve got a payday coming from the Jets.

  • Corn pone cheesehead pussy – keeps it simple, keeps it secret. Let’s market it!

  • He’s never needed any game before, Flash! Up in Green Bay he could look at women and they’d blow him. Now he’s gotta try and doesn’t know how it works.

Disclaimer

I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.

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