Jan 12, 2011
Flash

The History Channel is a Sham(e)

The History Channel scuttled the upcoming airing of its 8-part miniseries “The Kennedys” and not because no one could bear to watch Katie Holmes act.

In a statement to the Hollywood Reporter, A&E Television Networks (owner of History) said, “Upon completion of the production of The Kennedys, History has decided not to air the 8-part miniseries on the network. While the film is produced and acted with the highest quality, after viewing the final product in its totality, we have concluded this dramatic interpretation is not a fit for the History brand.”

Not a fit for the History brand? Then tell me, AETN, what is? Here are the programmes on History’s schedule for 11 January:

+ MonsterQuest: Mysterious Ape Island; Gigantic Killer Fish; Abominable Snowman; Chupacabra; China’s Wildman
+ Ancient Aliens: Alien Devastations
+ Top Gear: Car vs. Plane
+ Ax Men: Battle for Survival
+ Modern Marvels: Axes
+ Pawn Stars: Ready, Set, Pawn; Chumlee’s Dummies; Peeping Pawn; Getting A Head
+ American Pickers: Mike’s Breakdown; Gold Mine
+ Infomercials
+ The Battle of Charleston

One programme about legitimate history in 15, and if you want to see it, you have to tune in at 7:00a. The rest of the day is monsters, aliens, faux reality, and Top Gear US – an abortion that sucks so hard, it nearly pulled me into my television. It is, without a doubt, the worst American version of a British show ever to air. The only shock here is that there was no room for Hitler, the DaVinci and/or Bible Code, Nostradamus, doomsday scenarios, or shite to do with R. Lee Ermey. But fear not – you can catch repeated airings of those on Wednesday and Thursday. You may even catch Prophets of Doom, which features a “this show contains propaganda” warning.

What happened to this channel? Around 2008, History morphed from reliably informative entertainment to sensationalistic hysteria and lowbrow reality that masquerades as an educational spotlight into Americana. It’s no wonder “The Kennedys” didn’t make the cut. Void of aliens, Biblical prophecies, and swamp people, how could it possibly compete?

The truth is, the miniseries never had a chance. By calling attention to the Kennedy’s corruption, missteps, and foibles, it offended the sensibilities of women who continue to push their family’s myth even though the only people still buying into that bullshit are too busy getting the senior citizen deal at Long John Silver’s to care.

All the same, AETN should have teamed up with Tom Cruise and Scientology’s Galactic Dictator Lord Xenu to fight this censorship. Considering what they did to Oprah, there’s no way Maria Shriver and Caroline Kennedy would dare protest.

17 Comments

  • We replaced History Channel with Smithsonian. Pawn Stars and all of that other reality bullshit have no business on there, and until they’re gone (probably never), we won’t be back.

  • It’s TV like what is being broadcast on History that has got me reading more….

  • the dumbing down of America continues. why would we want to learn anything when we could watch guys at a pawn shop or see truckers drive on ice? one or two shows is one thing but all day?

  • A name change will fix everything. The channel has as much history as MTV has music and VH1 has videos.

  • Too bad. Even if The Kennedys was full of mean and evil rumor as their family claims, it would’ve been the most substantive show to run on History in about 5 years.

  • “It is, without a doubt, the worst American version of a British show ever to air…”

    I’d say the US versions Faulty Towers, Spaced (never made it to the air waves but sadly saw the pilot ep) and Coupling certainly can give TG America a run for it’s money ;)

    • I completely missed Coupling, thank goodness, but had no idea there was a Fawlty Towers re-do. When was that??

      • I think it was between 1999 and 2000 the remake aired and it wasn’t even called “Fawlty Towers”. The CBS remake was called “Payne”, it was an apt name for the show because all I felt was pain watching one of my fav childhood shows get murdered on television.

        Sh*t, now you’ve got me remembering more!!! “Kath & Kim” and “Life on Mars” are two more recent debacles that come to mind. And so its back to my shrink to suppress these memories.

        • Kath & Kim is Australian but your point still stands. It was fucking terrible.

        • Life On Mars too?? This is getting to a point where I may have to edit my post!

        • @Duchess – ah yes, very true mate…with my old age my memory fails me at times

  • Why do they need a miniseries to expose flaws about the Kennedys? We can just have a show where they list a string of facts:

    Joe Kennedy: Nazi sympathizer, bootlegger, criminal, mob ties, rigged elections, etc etc etc
    JFK & RFK: epic philanderers
    Teddy: Mary Jo Kopechne

    That should take up at least half of the allotted miniseries time right there.

    • I suggest a Dead Kennedys concert to fill up the other half.

  • “Caroline Kennedy has a book deal with Disney’s Hyperion publishing division, which announced in April 2010 that it will publish a collection of previously unreleased interviews with the late Jackie Kennedy timed to the 50th anniversary of the first year of JFK’s presidency this fall.”

    “Kennedy scion Maria Shriver also has close ties to NBC Universal, where she worked for years as an employee in its news division. She is said to have voiced her displeasure with the project to outgoing NBCU execs Jeff Zucker and Jeff Gaspin.”

    It’s been almost 50 years since JFK and they’re still churning out “never before seen” content. This guy has made more money from the grave than 2Pac, Elvis, Princess Diana, John Lennon, and Michael Jackson put together.

  • Yeah but do you remember the days when you could learn something on The Learning Channel other than how to flip your house? It’s all a waste of time.

  • Just wait until Larry the Cable Guy’s show airs! You’ll be singing a different tune then, haters! :)

  • History: GET ER DONE!

    This is all disappointing but is anybody really and truly surprised? MTV, VH1, TLC, Discovery, Science, A&E… if it was a quality channel with a specific purpose, they fucked it up chasing big ratings and turning their programming into the equivalent of “Ow, My Balls!” and “Generic Reality Show #1234234″ so the mouthbreathing moron demographic will watch.

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I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.

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