Jan 26, 2011
Flash

Wales: Great Britain’s Florida

The latest “saddest news ever” comes out of South Wales, where a 29-year-old scrounger is bragging about becoming the youngest granddad in Britain. His 14-year-old daughter, who announced the news of her pregnancy on Facebook by updating her status to “looking for a pram with the mr”, is due to give birth in August.

Side note: I’m due in June. Let me tell you what this means. In 2040, when our children are about 30 years old, my child will be hard at work supporting not only this dumb twat’s baby but also her baby’s progeny, all of whom will be sexuality active by 11 years old and have at least three carjacking and drugs violations under their belts. I fucking weep.

But back to the jobless scrounger. When asked how he feels about all this, he said:

“She is very young but was determined to keep the child. We were not going to force her into doing anything else. We don’t want her to hate us. She is not the only girl at her school to become pregnant or to have a baby. We don’t blame the lad who got her pregnant – it takes two.”

The noxious stench of white trash emanates so profusely from those statements that I don’t even know where to begin, but as you’d expect, it gets worse. The pregnant girl’s mum has two other children, who will no doubt procreate soon, and lives with another jobless layabout on a council estate “where they have a flat screen TV and Blackberry mobile phones.”

Of course they do. Of course they have expensive, cutting edge technology. How could it be any other way? They can’t work and they can’t pay a bill but they’ve got Blackberrys — the smart phone of businesses everywhere — to do what? Have these exchanges with one another?

“orite!” “ye…” “wot u doin 2nite ladies” “jus angin baat” “wana cum wi us?”

Someone tell me why I work again. I thought the point of working hard all my life and going to university, law school, and business school was to ensure that I could have nice things and enjoy carefree lifestyle that allowed me to do what I want when I want without being hamstrung by worries of finance. But alas, I could have done all of that without working 14 hour days in the City. I could have had a comfortable bloody lifestyle claiming benefits, living off the taxpayers’ expense, and turning my vagina into a fucking clown car while doing fuck all in my council estate. What the fuck was I thinking? These rotters make me sick.

19 Comments

  • The graphic almost made me piss myself. You’re a bloody riot.

  • “I could’ve had a comfortable bloody lifestyle claiming benefits, living off the taxpayers’ expense, and turning my vagina into a fucking clown car”

    THIS.

  • Wasters produce wasters, and on it goes. By age 54 or 55, the scrounging ponce will be a great-great granddad.

  • Did you see the part where grandma’s jobless boyfriend is going to raise the baby until the daughter’s boyfriend becomes a professional rugby player? They’ll be broken up before the baby is born.

  • Without football, this bloke would be Wayne Rooney

  • It’s really nice to know that other countries also have to deal with these freeloading pieces of shit.

  • ♪THE CIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIIIIFE♫

    • PRICELESS

  • “Idiocracy” come to life.

    little_britain_vicky_450x350.jpg

    idiocracy-20070215034131983-000.jpg

    • “six babies by seven fathers and reading for a B-tech in Hollyoaks”

      14, that’s a bit old to be having your first kid in Wales. Another reason to give ‘em independence.

      Gav you’re not suggesting this might have something to do with Labour’s social engineering of the nation?

      • They’ve ruined us. I’m not for discrimination or any sort of -ism, and people who legitimately need help ought to have it, but Labour’s spawned a nation of sponging parasites. This will take decades to correct.

        • Spot on.

          Where did that spam quiz come from?

  • Pfft. You Brits have got nothing on the US of A. I know someone who’s the caseworker of a 26 year old grandma.

  • Britton’s post is bang on. 75 years from now, scrounger will have 1,000 descendants. But to your rant. 1) I didn’t know you spoke fluent chav. And 2) after that final blow up at the end, I’m guessing your’e not pro-Labour! ;)

    • Between the gut-busting graphic, the “14 hour days in the City”, and the closing paragraph, I’d say she’s a card carrying Tory.

  • If high members of society had 1000 descendants in 75 years, our society might actually improve. We are de-evolutionizing ourselves with these scum…

    • The problem is that while you’re absolutely correct, no one with any sense wants to pop out babies every 15 months. We have to go the other route and start sterilisation.

  • They’re not scroungers, layabouts and rotters, Flash. They’re “workshy”. We have to use the proper terms so as not to offend!

  • First, it’s worth pointing out that you didn’t have to do all that schooling. You could do nothing all day and still be loaded (and so will your kid’s kid’s kids) :) But to my real point, what scares me about people like this is they outnumber the rest of us by a lot. Responsible, smart people are an endangered species and it’s not going to take 500 years to reach Idiocracy like it did in the movie. I wouldn’t be surprised if we have a Buttfuckers in my neighborhood in about 20 years!

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I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.

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