I meant to post things on Monday and Tuesday but found myself completely immersed in Words With Friends. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it’s taken over my life, but I will admit to a not-so-subtle attempt at dropping a serious word on someone during a videoconference this morning and, since my head was bowed in fierce concentration, accused of taking a nap. I am shamed. Anyway, my inability to break free from my phone prevented me sharing my latest shallow observation.
Yet more proof that baseball players are the most poorly conditioned, half ass athletes in the sporting world has emerged, with Yankees’ ace CC Sabathia revealing that he lost 25 pounds by cutting Cap’n Crunch out of his diet. Apparently, a nutritionist has helped him go from 315 to 290, the weight listed on his baseball card.
When asked what motivated him to stop being such an unrepentant fat-fat, CC said, ”Just me getting older, I want to try to pitch as long as I can, hopefully another 8-10 years. This is just the first step in trying to do that.”
Please. The only thing this is a first step in is opting out of his contract to commit additional counts of felony rape on the Yankees’ bank account. If CC didn’t have knee surgery heading into a season where he had the power to exercise his opt-out clause, he’d have no problem weighing 370 pounds.
What baffles me is why he ever thought eating Cap’n Crunch was okay. As a cereal junkie, I’ve been lured by the Cap’n's siren song, but those jagged kernels tear up the inside of my mouth and I can’t bear the pain. But even if I wasn’t such a wuss, Cap’n Crunch is a disaster of a cereal, with 12 grams of sugar and 109 calories in every serving. That won’t kill you in moderation, but CC – A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE – was eating a whole box at a time.
It took a nutritionist to tell him this was a bad idea? Are you fucking kidding? The nutritionist also banned him from drinking so much Gatorade.
Again, WHY? Gatorade is for athletes who, you know, exert energy and sweat for sustained periods. It’s not for baseball players whose output on any given night is barely enough to burn off a Snickers.
I get that there’s this whole notion that you can be a baseball player and treat your body like rubbish. And I get that the Yankees’ championship foundations were built in large part by a fat man with chicken legs and his 714 home runs, but that doesn’t make any of this acceptable. The New York Yankees have a payroll north of $200M. With that level of investment, you’d think more care would be taken in making sure the people you’re relying on for championship runs weren’t so fat that their uniforms looked like a pair of Rush Limbaugh’s pajamas.