Feb 16, 2011

Captain Crunch Made CC Sabathia Extra Fat

I meant to post things on Monday and Tuesday but found myself completely immersed in Words With Friends. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it’s taken over my life, but I will admit to a not-so-subtle attempt at dropping a serious word on someone during a videoconference this morning and, since my head was bowed in fierce concentration, accused of taking a nap. I am shamed. Anyway, my inability to break free from my phone prevented me sharing my latest shallow observation.

Yet more proof that baseball players are the most poorly conditioned, half ass athletes in the sporting world has emerged, with Yankees’ ace CC Sabathia revealing that he lost 25 pounds by cutting Cap’n Crunch out of his diet. Apparently, a nutritionist has helped him go from 315 to 290, the weight listed on his baseball card.

When asked what motivated him to stop being such an unrepentant fat-fat, CC said, ”Just me getting older, I want to try to pitch as long as I can, hopefully another 8-10 years. This is just the first step in trying to do that.”

Please. The only thing this is a first step in is opting out of his contract to commit additional counts of felony rape on the Yankees’ bank account. If CC didn’t have knee surgery heading into a season where he had the power to exercise his opt-out clause, he’d have no problem weighing 370 pounds.

What baffles me is why he ever thought eating Cap’n Crunch was okay. As a cereal junkie, I’ve been lured by the Cap’n's siren song, but those jagged kernels tear up the inside of my mouth and I can’t bear the pain. But even if I wasn’t such a wuss, Cap’n Crunch is a disaster of a cereal, with 12 grams of sugar and 109 calories in every serving. That won’t kill you in moderation, but CC – A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE – was eating a whole box at a time.

It took a nutritionist to tell him this was a bad idea? Are you fucking kidding? The nutritionist also banned him from drinking so much Gatorade.

Again, WHY? Gatorade is for athletes who, you know, exert energy and sweat for sustained periods. It’s not for baseball players whose output on any given night is barely enough to burn off a Snickers.

I get that there’s this whole notion that you can be a baseball player and treat your body like rubbish. And I get that the Yankees’ championship foundations were built in large part by a fat man with chicken legs and his 714 home runs, but that doesn’t make any of this acceptable. The New York Yankees have a payroll north of $200M. With that level of investment, you’d think more care would be taken in making sure the people you’re relying on for championship runs weren’t so fat that their uniforms looked like a pair of Rush Limbaugh’s pajamas.


  • Too true. There’s no reason for guys like C.C. and Joba to be so overweight. I’m really surprised Granola Joe Girardi lets them get away with it. He puts such an emphasis on his own health but seems to have no problem letting some get fat and bloated.

  • Baseball isn’t a 9 month sport any more, it’s year round. I am surprised that these guys don’t have a nutritionist, cook and/or trainer that live with them 24/7. They can afford it. If CC and his Capt’n Crunch addiction can get $24M per year, it’s no wonder Pujols is holding out for $30M+ per year.

    (disclaimer: I had a bowl of Capt’n Crunch this morning and it was great)

    • I agree, and it pisses me off a little bit. If I was a pro athlete, I’d do everything I could to make sure I was a beast. But I guess when you can win a world series ring even though you have an entire person of extra fat on your body, what’s the motivation?

  • The front office freaks out if players try to have facial hair or anything other than a business hair cut because they love their clean cut image, but God forbid they ask a player who is morbidly obese to lose 50 pounds.

  • “Lady, I’m not an athlete. I’m a professional baseball player.”
    - John Kruk

    Sad as it sounds, we should probably give CC credit for even recognizing that his weight might be a problem.

  • At that pace, he’ll lose 75 pounds by October of next year. There won’t be anything left on the mound but a huge tent of clothes and a hat.

  • Fuck that. The last thing baseball needs is for these NYY fucks to be finely tuned athletic machines. It’s time to send the Captain in bulk to Sabathia’s fan mail address.

  • From what I heard, he didn’t exactly throw the cereal away. Sources say he secretly gave them to Jaba the hut. Latest reports have Jaba tilting the scales at 300+. Fat bastard


I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.


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