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You'd think someone with 27 touchdowns, 29 interceptions, and a 55.9 career completion percentage would get a little more respect -- especially from the league that employs him.

Those are the only reasonable explanations for what happened in the NFL Draft last night. No, I'm not talking about Josh McDaniels scoring an F minus at the Bill Belichick School of Outsmarting Everybody in the Room. I'm talking about the Oakland Raiders breaking from its commitment to exasperating foolishness by picking Rolando McClain, a 6'3, 254 lb. beast out of Alabama.

With the best DTs (a desperate need) off the board, it was an incredibly logical and intelligent move. McClain's not a project or the guy with the fastest 40 at the combine. He's a real football player - a difference maker who rocks an off the charts football IQ that allowed him to keep the Alabama defense running like a well oiled machine. I have no doubt that he has the talent not only to step in and have an immediate impact on a tissue-soft run defense but also to become the centerpiece of a great one.

It's enough to make a penitent, weary fan at her wit's end zip over to the NFL Shop and pick up her first jersey since Tim Brown retired. Truth be told, I very nearly did, and then I remembered something: as a member of the Oakland Raiders, there's an 80/20 chance that Rolando McClain's career is over before it even has a chance to begin.

The pollyannas amongst us might believe that this decisive, abnormally prudent selection is a sign of great things to come but I'm not buying it. Tom Cable is still the coach, Stay-Puft Russell is still the quarterback and Al Davis still lives. Until those things change, this organization will continue to be a backwards place where talent goes to die. And for a guy as seemingly awesome as Rolando McClain, that's just not fair.

As I'm sure you've ascertained, I was appropriately pwned for betting on Radiohead in the Breeders' Cup Juvenile on Saturday. I know it was dumb but I couldn't fight the compulsion. Sadness abounds. In any case, Radiohead never contended for the win and finished a middling 7th in the 13 horse field. On the bright side, this not so mighty emo steed surely hasn't the skills to qualify for a Triple Crown race, so I don't have to worry about foolishly screwing myself out of money in a few month's time.

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In other news, Eric Mangini, head "coach" of the Cleveland Browns took stupidity and hubris to a new level today when he refused to announce whether Derek Anderson or Brady Quinn will be the one whose life comes to a sad, unfulfilled end at the hands of Ray Lewis next Monday night. According to reports, Mangini knows who he's going to choose but plans to make his QBs and, laughably, the Baltimore Ravens defense, sweat it out a little.

Ray Lewis should slap this bitch around just for having the nerve.

When you're the conductor of the biggest on-field trainwreck in the NFL, you have no right to be secretive or clever or coy. In fact, as a dead man walking, you have no rights. The only things on your mind should be:

• Finding ways to improve the team
  
• Making the final three months as painless as possible
  
• Showing NFL owners that you're a competent head coach in a bad situation

Mangini has struck out looking on all of the the above, but even worse is that he's arrogant (or delusional?) enough to think the Ravens will buy into his bullshit. What, like they'll develop two game plans? The Browns could start G-d and still lose by 30. Even G-d would tell ya that. What He'd also tell you and what the Ravens already know is that Brady Quinn will be under center on Monday night. Not because this QB selection process was like choosing between agony and despair and despair tasted a little better, but because throwing Quinn back in the mix at week 9 allows the Browns to boost his trade value without triggering $10.5M in performance incentives in his contract.

If I can figure that out, so can the rest of the league, Eric. It's not rocket science. I just wish I could go back in time and un-do that Radiohead bet, so I could throw 5 grand down on the Frowns to be torn limb from limb, set aflame in a funeral pyre and then sent out to sea.

I would have been the winner on that one. 

You know, a lot of people have been talking mess about Jon Gruden for adding absolutely nothing but energetic inanities to the weekly Monday Night Football broadcasts.

Now maybe some people don't like him because he reminds them of that evil high school boy who they secretly hoped would get the emotional shit kicked out of him by life after graduation. Or maybe its because he spews rubbish like this:

• "When the Dolphins run the 'Wildcat,' they want positive yardage. They don't want negative plays"
• "Great players have to step up and make big plays in big games"
• "Jake Delhomme leads the league in grit"
• "Mike McCarthy is one of the best challenge coachers in the league"
  
• "This guy will blast you and like it"
• "We used to call this the VICTORY play"
  

All are completely valid reasons to hate on the man (guess which one is mine), but I think it's time we stop criticizing and give this championship coach the credit he's due. You see, Jon Gruden just successfully called a 3.5 hour football game with Brett Favre's cock lodged balls deep in his throat.

What, like you could do the same? Please.

But you know what? I bet tonight was a pretty cool experience for the old chap. Even though it goes without saying that Gruden always had a mouth like a Hoover, I bet he never imagined he'd reach the highest heights as the Champ Kind to Brett Favre's Ron Burgundy when he was the Packers receiving coach in 1992 (did you know he had that job?). So let's give a hip, hooray and huzzah to Jon Gruden. It's time we tip our hats to him for a job well done.

UNSEXY UPDATE:

After giving Gruden the Maypole dance of a lifetime, Favre got the rest of ESPN drunk, made sweet love to them under the Minnesota stars and then cooked pancakes and sausages for them this morning.

What really scares me now is the possibility that the Vikings could somehow end up in the Super Bowl. Normally, I'd take solace in the fact that after week 12, Favre starts shitting the bed, but now he has Adrian Peterson and the Jared Allen defense. Who's going to stop them? And more importantly, who is going to stop the media from shoving it down our throats? ESPN has monopolized sports broadcasting and the rest of the media takes its cues from the Worldwide Leader's example.

We're in serious trouble. 

After the Raiders signed safety Gibril Wilson a few weeks ago, I had a glimmer of hope that this off-season just might go well. This was a fantastic FA get. Sure, we massively overpaid (7 years, $39M) but it's reasonable to believe that Wilson - one of the most consistent safeties in the league - will turn out to be worth the cash. At least, he will be until he realizes he plays in the Bay and completely flakes out a la Charles Woodson.

But then we signed DT Tommy Kelly for an insane $50M dollars and then Kwame Brown - a middling OL that didn't start a game last season - for $16M over three years. And now, Al Davis has emerged from his oxygen chamber to cock things up yet again.

I'm sure most of you saw the news last week that the Raiders signed malcontent Javon Walker and his irreparably shredded knees. Even in Walker's diminished condition, I'll take him because we have a wide receiving corps that consists of Ronald Curry, To Be Determined and To Be Determined. In a situation like this, it's hard to be picky.

But in his infinite wisdom, Al Davis has somehow found a way to make this the worst move of all time. Instead of paying beaten up, broken down, waiting on a new hip Javon Walker what he's worth, the Crypt Keeper is giving him $55M for 6 years. My first reaction was, "Well, I'm sure it's totally backloaded, so no big deal." And while that is somewhat true, Walker still gets $16M in guaranteed money and $27M for the first three years. Hell, if he gets cut this season, he still gets $11M and if he's cut in 2 seasons, he's got $16M! 

What's next, Al? Gonna pull Keyshawn Johnson out the ESPN-abyss with a guaranteed 1-year, $25M deal? I assure you that he's a lot more functional right now than Walker, he of the 28 catches, 287 yards (200 of which came in the first 2 games), 0 touchdowns and 8 games in 2007. Former Pro Bowl, 1000 yard receiver or not, this is pure madness. The only thing I can see explaining this mentally defective contract is if the price of bribing formerly capable players to waste their careers on our shores has ballooned to an additional 85% of market value.

Speaking of ballooned, there are rumors that Stay-Puft, also known as Jamarcus Russell, is currently weighing in around 300 pounds. Now, if that's true, what does it matter who we sign when we've got a heifer for a quarterback that might be tempted to eat the damn ball?!

2 thumbs down!